I've decided that boys exist just to make me (and fellows in women kind) sad. And I bring scientific evidence.
(These are not listed in order of importance.)

Specimen One, R.
(I know I said no nicknames...too bad.)
Ugh! Why couldn't I figure out that just being straight forward would have worked for me until after he got a girlfriend? Why did I put the walls down the second it was unattainable?

Specimen Two, N.
You gave me up ... for pot, video games, and unemployment. Yet you still love me. And yet you don't seem too beat up about it.

Specimen Three, A.
The army one. I still don't know what went wrong here. But he's read the damn message! Why doesn't he respond to the damn message! And it was a week of my life; why do I even care? That I know why, is that the sad part or the weird part?

Specimen Four, M.
What am I supposed to want here? Most attainable one, and the most strange situation ... yes, even stranger than me falling for a friend's ex ... since this one was my ex first. I just see how it doesn't work and shouldn't work and yet I look forward to next time. Why?

And I know not-so-deep down that I should just focus on myself and school and work; yet life keeps throwing these males into my lap, just to take them away, as though saying, "hey look Mel, you can have this ... not!"

Ironically, all I desperately want is some pussy.

The Most Basic Things My Job Has Reminded Me Of
(that nobody else seems to want to remember)

• Check that a door isn't an emergency exit before opening it. Fire alarms are loud and scare small children.
  
• When you're done, throw away your trash.
  
• Do not stick gum under the table; somebody has to clean that up!
• Tell your kids to stop yelling! Especially if it triggers a ten kid scream competition, not in spite of.
• Never call your boss a bitch when there are coworkers as witnesses. And think twice before using as your apology, "I'm on my period I hate everything."
  
• NEVER refer to the fact that you lied on your application about being on probation at previous jobs when there are coworkers present.
• Be careful what you wear when job hunting. Big baggy jeans with giant marijuana leaves stitched on them are not your best bet.
  
• Be considerate with who you chose to be mad at. If french fries cost twenty cents more than they did yesterday, it is not the fault of the sixteen year old girl texting at the register all day.
• The line is changing: the customer may always be right, but in many cases he is also an overly self-involved twat who knows the world revolves around him all the while ignoring the other customers waiting for their time. In short, if you ordered an ice cream, and there was ten people behind you in line, you're gonna wait awhile. Bitching and moaning will not cause your cashier to grow a second set of arms. And if it did, she'd probably just strangle you instead of getting you ice cream.

I go in tomorrow. Noon to five. This exhausted, miserable face? Is that of a person who can hardly wait to go make (after taxes) $31.25 for five hours of ball busting labor. Or they'll do me like they did before ... work me two hours and give me $12.50.

In short? Be nice to people who work in food service. Even those who aren't the best at it. We're human, and we try. But it's an acting job like none other, and it can be hard to keep up many hours of "I'm happy, and I love people, and nobody's rude and obnoxious to me ever, and I'm socially flawless to boot." It's hard for people to act that way even when they feel that way! Be compassionate and kind, and it will come back good on you.

Have a Happy Sunday,

Melony Louise

Wow. I haven't been here in over a year. Crazy.

And a crazy time it's been. I honestly wish you all could've followed along ... maybe it would have helped me out heh.

But I'm back now. And intend to stay for awhile.

Changes include:
New layout! For the...
New name! The old name was a redundant mouthful.
Fuck nicknames and protected identities! You will know my friends and such as I do, on a first name basis.

And where am I at?
This will surprise no one who's been in a relationship at 17 before, but me and "The Boy" are no longer. Haven't been for nearly a year now. And it was a pretty nasty breakup and we've just gotten back on speaking terms in the last couple months. And for the first time, in a different relationship, I've had and lost love. It's definitely weird. And I'm not excited for next time, despite my big crush on another boy ha.

In the last couple months, I got a McJob. I hate it. Initially I feel ungrateful because my friend got me the job and I hated it within a few weeks, but then I remember that she hates it too and I feel better.

I'm way more involved with my school and its politics. For anybody who followed Proposition 8, you might remember American River College making (NATIONAL!) news for its endorsement of marriage ban Proposition 8. Yeah, I was totally against that shit. As were (and still are) a bunch of people. And it's slowed down some this semester, but last semester was about trying (and in a sense failing in the short term) to make the school better for future students. And I'm president of Queer-Straight Alliance. Woohoo leadership!

Oh, and I'm a massive stoner now, yay! I'll be honest: as of now, I've been pretty able to balance toking a lot with being sober for work, classes, etc. But I do sometimes fear spiraling downward. I'm a constant ball of anxiety, nerves, and social awkwardness, and THC makes it all float away.

So why try after so long to get back in blogging?
It's cheaper than a therapist. And I'm only slightly joking. I also love the community blogging results in. Mostly I need the ability to talk about my life and have others identify somehow. Even if it's just sitting and reading what I'm getting out of me, it's enough.

Also, as I get closer to universities, working, etc. I crave networking and friends in non-local places. I'll try to put up some of my work somehow so y'all can refer me to your friends who work in publication design, winknudgehee.

And how often will this update?
In a perfect world, daily. But I have two night classes and a crazy life, so it'll be probably more like Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. And I'm going to try to not keep a public diary like before. Just focus in on one thing and dissect it. Less for me and more for those who read it (:

So ... I'll see you here tomorrow night?

I'm grateful for the amazing head start I've had in life. I may joke a lot about how I never had the cool things growing up or whatever, but my parents and my sister did so much in life to make sure I had everything in life that I needed, materialistically and otherwise.

I'm grateful for the amazing friends I've had and have. Whether I was grateful to them at the time or not, they've proven to me that people do know you when you're down and out, even if those people tend to be few and far between.

I'm grateful even for the not-so-great "friends" I've had and have. They've taught me what I hate in people, what I don't want to be, and they've made the people who really are there for me and not what I have or can do for them shine even more in my eyes.

I'm grateful for the bad moments in my life as well as the good. They've made me compassionate to others, and even if they seemed to knock everything out of me at the time, they in fact made me stronger and especially showed me that if you have no love for yourself, people will find it hard to love you.

Finally, I'm grateful for whatever the future has to offer me. To school, work, my passions, the people in my life, I say ... bring on whatever you have to throw at me. I may still have a lot to learn, but I can take it.

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all! Less than three!

That's what my face looks like with a hole in it. Pardon the head-tilty quality of it.