Mosh Ocean

[An English teacher and a picky reader said this didn’t suck … so maybe it doesn’t! But feel free to help me rewrite if it needs it…]

floating in the mosh ocean
little to the left and
little to the right in
the fight to go forward
the fight to be closest
to keep above water here
is like the English Channel

drowning in the mosh ocean
spine to the concrete bed
all the light is gone here
ocean’s ready to pull her up
but she’s ready to just keep dying
before her very eyes
she’s pulled from the bottom

swimming through the mosh ocean
fighting the water for escape
barely succeeding to get through
pulling back and
spitting forward
release is a first breath
for salt water filled lungs

See more progress on: write a poem that doesn't suck