I'm gonna smack my friend Kalee with a rolled up newspaper for suggesting The Hills Have Eyes is a decent movie, and then fling the movie case at her testicles. Wait, she's a chick, that won't work. You get the point, whatever.
We're not gonna scare you. We're not gonna give you any reason to sympathize or bond with the main characters. We're not gonna move forward in plot. We're certainly not gonna entertain you. For an hour, we're gonna live my these mottos. Then, we're gonna send in the Goonies dude and his little friend with the harelip and meth addict teeth to rape both the daughters, and they won't defend themselves because OH MY; we're holding the baby at gunpoint! Then, you're gonna realize you wasted an hour of your life on this utter crap and turn it off before you waste any more of your time, but it won't matter cos we already suckered some money out of you and everybody else!
There wasn't even enough Emilie De Ravin to make up for it. Then, when you finally do see her for a decent amount of time, she's getting raped and has blood smeared on her face. So there. I did feel bad for Bobby, Beauty, and Beast though. Poor dead dogs, poor emo boy.
Tags:
shitty movies,
The Hills Have Eyes
