Melony Louise's Natural Habitat

Pain Pill Insomnia: Where you come home at ten PM stumbling like a drunk you're so barely able to stay awake only to sleep choppily and then just plain give up after two and a half hours, waiting until the next wave of passing out comes.

Attention Jitters: Where you become very chattery and bouncy because you performed something for people and didn't get mushy fruits thrown at you in exchange.

Lawyers and Doctors: The folks my parents are going to see before a marriage counselor, much to the confusion of my sister, who wants them just to be happy. One responds, "well, he probably has cancer and a weak liver, and if it kills him we lose everything, so ... trying to save something so doomed can come later." Actually, one's thoughts on the topic aren't that bitter, but I have a better understanding on my parents' logic than her, I suppose.

Okay, enough of that format, it bores me. So I left the house last night to go to Lambda and it was ... off. My friend Kalee and I ended up at the station about a half hour before the other four, and getting Downtown so late threw off my mental clock, and I have no phone clock since I still have the cracked screen, and yeah. Then there was way more shit talking than I like sitting around for, mostly because I don't like shit talking at all, and because I have no chemicals in my system for stress, all to pain, I was a bitch and walking far away from everyone for the entire time of the smack-talk conversation. Actually, I wish I had the sense to do things that way more often. Only the stress from being so pissed made my jaw pain worse, and when we got to the station to get to Lambda I whined like a little girl and nearly sobbed.

You know, I'm starting to realize something: I have a friend of mine who used to be best friends with Jonelle, and then her boyfriend said Jonelle tried to pick up on him and say she was way prettier than her and etc. So now, as a defense for being hurt, she says shit about Jonelle. Also, she thinks that Jonelle talks all this shit about her. But I'm realizing ... Jo doesn't. Her friends do. Jo's sad because she says it didn't happen and that the guy lied, which secretly I'd believe cos I have little faith in guys and their abilities to keep out of their girl's friendships (oddly, the only one I've seen be any good at it is mine, who actually goes out of his way to insist I keep my friendships working, even when they seem a couple breaths away from death).

A couple friends were there though when my friend's mom attacked Jonelle (something I've heard from several people that makes me gasp every time) and it went from "oh, yeah, her, whatever, she seems cool enough" to "you know what, you're a bitch and your mom's a whore." (For the record, that made me go from gasping to yelling at him for saying something so ignorant and obnoxious, that only became minimally understandable when I realized she got involved despite being not really related in the drama).

I don't know, it's just making me sad thinking that maybe this friendship that once worked really well wouldn't have ended if they just talked it out between each other when it first happened instead of letting it get run through the rumor mill a few times.

Back to my night though (yeah, pardon the rant), Lambda itself was actually pretty awesome though. The last Friday of every month is Youth Slam, where people perform karaoke, poems, skits, whatever they wanna do. So I brought a story I wrote for school awhile ago, and it was really well received and this made me happy. So I'm trying to get Kalee [or anybody, really] to agree to do a skit with me next time. I'm very odd in that I have trouble conversing with groups of people, but I have little to no problem with being in front of people and doing whatever. Maybe that's why I like blogging?

Anyway, I'm gonna go play some sort of Tower Defense game until I conk out.