Remember my saying I hate PETA? This is still true.


At Warped Tour, I was handed a pamphlet, entitled "Even If You Like Meat, You Can Help End This Cruelty!" My thoughts were, "sweet, this pamphlet will tell me some of the cruel ways animals are treated, and then give me some petitions to sign or maybe even suggest some intern work, instead of shoving PETA bullshit down my throat!"

Ahh, my poor naive self.

The sixteen page long pamphlet has many paragraphs strewn inside which are quotes from vegans/vegetarians which basically say that smart people are vegans/vegetarians, so I should be too. Then the first paragraph that is PETA written is basically, "omg, think of the animals you'd spare if you ate less meat!"

No, PETA. Fact: they're treated badly. Reality check: they'd continue to be treated badly if less of them were eaten, until the amount kept around was lessened, and then they'd still get treated badly, just in smaller numbers, and then they'd stop being bred so much. So not only will you have failed your cause of ceasing the cruelty, but then there'd be a new cause of "I think they might be going extinct, whoopsie."

Plus, turkeys, they deserve to be eaten. Hey, fuck you for saying I'm an asshole for saying that, you haven't handled a damn turkey in your life. They're mean. Violent. Stupid as all hell. Ugly. So fuck turkeys, and eat as many of them as you can.

As I've said before, the cruelty should end, my eating them should not.

There are many things in which it astounds me that the opinion varies. Less because I think my opinion is just simply the only right one and more because Jesus, why is everyone so damn nosy? My example for the moment is assisted suicide.

Look, here's how I see it: people who are sick have a damn good sense of when their health has reached the point that constant medical treatment is just not only putting off the inevitable by a very small period of time, but doing so in a painful manner. These people should be able to go to their doctor and have their take confirmed, and then be able to get their families together and say goodbye with as little guilt as possible. But of course, between religion, denial, and just plain fear of death, not everyone will want to take that route. These differences in thought is what makes life so great. But it should be an individual's own decision, not something law-mandated, and definitely not something decided by people who don't understand being in that place.

Saying people who want assisted suicide are weak or that the concept is like government-approved genocide, saying that girls who get abortions as teenagers are murders and sleazes, saying homosexuals are scourge, all these statements are easy to make when you're in good health; when you're not that girl; when your sexual attractions are widely accepted as normal.

Which is why I think our laws should be changed to "do whatever you think's right, so long as you don't hurt other people." Life, liberty, property if you will.

My dad's favorite example works best here. If you want to fuck goats, do so. Don't make me watch, don't make me fuck your goat, don't fuck your goat on my front lawn. Only we apply this to EVERYTHING. Assisted suicide, abortion, marriage, drugs, sex, music, education, health systems; literally, everything.

Meh, it's a bit idealistic, and in truth it would probably just lead into a full on anarchy, but a girl can dream.

I've decided today that seventeen is the suckiest age to be ever.

No, I'm not waiting excitedly to get the fuck out of my damn house. In fact, I quite like my parents. What I dislike, is that I'm three months (!) away from being 18, and I still keep getting treated like some fully dependent retard. Like, I made a doctor's appointment for Wednesday for my fucked up throat, that I'm gonna have to change on Monday because my parents just so happen to be out of town that day. My parents don't do ANYTHING, how the fuck was I supposed to know that, right?

Man, it just reminded me of how annoying the last six months or so has been, trying to freaking prove that when I turn 18 I'll be able to take care of myself and everybody just being like "but you're supposed to act like some retarded pre-teen until you turn 18 and then we expect you to do everything and think for yourself and all that crap."

Okay, The Boy need to show up. I'm supposed to hang out at his place tonight with some of his friends and I'm a total pain in the ass so like if he doesn't show up in twenty minutes I'm just gonna go over there and then slap him with a tuna when he's like, "Oh, yeah ... I was supposed to stop by your house ..." Though it could be my fault he's taking so long anyway ... seeing as how I was just so comfy it made him wanna sleep in until like one and he had stuffs to do anyway. Heh, whoops.

Got up at 8:45 this morning so I could ride my bike to my doctor's appointment.

Got there, got in, only to have the nurse tell me, "you don't have a guardian with you, you have to go home."

I. Hate. Doctors. And the people who work around them. And the way they fucking do things.

I mean, let's think about this ... this is the same doctor who always ushers my mom out of the room (or at least tries to) so we can talk privately about my vag, even though when it comes to talking to doctors she knows more about it than I do. I'm supposed to be able to get birth control secretly from these people.

But I go in, alone, when all my family is too busy to take me in, and it's like "Noooo, we can't have this!"

And then when I was getting my blood pressure taken, someone said HI MELONY! And I saw their face, and I said hi, but ... WHO THE FUCK WERE THEY!? AHHHH!

And I end this with, my salmon thingie isn't that great, and I'll make a better update tonight, if I remember.

After four months, company is beginning to wreak like all hell.

So to fill in about Stacey. Stacy? Meh, don't matter. Stacy is my cousin's ex-girlfriend. We aren't very close to him because in my dad's side of the family my grandmother is one hell of a manipulator and she finds my dad to be a bad influence (which, don't get me wrong, before I was born he definitely was, and even now he has his moments of blah) so until the end of last summer, my dad and Jeremy never had the chance to bond much. For ... a week, I want to say, it was Jeremy, Stacy, and my Grandmother. Jeremy was liked, Stacy was liked, my Grandmother ... is one of those psycho uber born agains and she's never been liked by anybody with half a mind.

So we kept in contact, partly because it's family, partly because Stacy really wanted to move to California and came and stayed at our house again a month later as she went and did a couple interviews for work.

Then, two days after moving to another apartment in Philly (ahh, I felt bad for them ... Pennsylvania tends to suck a lot of nut) Jeremy revealed he had a new girlfriend, one of his former students (relax! He's a college music theory teacher. He's like thirty, she's like twenty).

So my dad, ever so generous, allowed Stacy to move in with us. She has now been here four months, like I said. And now she's going on vacation back to PA. And thank whatever God may be.

She's a diagnosed bipolar. She's intensely passive agressive. Her friend's coming to visit, and after all this talk of how she wasn't gonna get involved cos he's getting divorced and blahblahblah, they're having sex. In his guest room. Meaning, in my mom's room. Loudly. Worst of all? She's not paying rent. A hundred dollars a week, and she can't manage that. But, she's taking a three week trip cross country.

Now here's what I said to my mom; "three things ... one, at least [The Boy] tells me to shut up ... two, at least we don't do it in Momma Bear's bed ... three, at least [The Boy] is attractive and not ... that!" I mean, the rest sucks, especially the financial part (which affects all of us, directly or otherwise) but do you have any idea how difficult it is to piss in the middle of the night when you can hear your room mate having sex with some weird guy who you don't even want to say is naked, let alone picture?

Yeah, Mel definitely needs a few freaking weeks of Stacy-free ness.

[Footnote: Stacy is a nice, funny chick, don't get me wrong, it's not like I hate her. But I do know that she expects my family to just take care of her while she does whatever she damn well feels like. And its especially bothersome when we're not keeping contact with our own blood in the process.]

Good news.
Mac took my computer to be shipped to get the keyboard and internal frame damage fixed.

Bad news.
I'm stuck on a Windows desktop.

Good news.
They backed up my files for me in case of any sort of accidents.

Bad news.
I forgot to delete any of my porn before leaving the house.

Good news.
My computer will be like new when it comes back.

Bad news.
I will be suffering extreme computer withdrawal (similar to that of breaking a meth addiction) for the next several days, because my mom likes the internet too, dammit.

I guess I'll use this as my chance to play on all the Windows things I have been previously locked out of.

THINGS THAT URK ME ABOUT THE INTERNET:
- MYSPACE PAGES WHERE YOU CAN'T TURN OFF THE MUSIC. Jesus Christ, you bastards! They give you a freaking music player to put on your site where I can turn it off because I don't want to listen to your shitty music! Use it!
- SITES THAT INSIST YOUR PASSWORD ISN'T SECURE ENOUGH. Fuck you, random website! Registering for websites is annoying enough without some automated password checker insisting that my password is not good enough. "Waah, there are no numbers, no case alterations, no words in foreign languages!" Kiss, my, ass.
- HOW ADDICTIVE SITTING AROUND BEING BORED FOR FOUR OR FIVE HOURS IS. I'm not doing a fucking thing, but I can't bring myself to do something better with my time. Guess it's time to pull up the java sand to further rub in how boring I am! Or I was until...
- THE FACT THAT WINDOWS THINKS I'M TOO FUCKING STUPID TO KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR MY COMPUTER! Java!? You're blocking the JAVA PLUG-IN!? And I can't work around it, because "you can't identify the publisher waaah!" KISS. MY. ASS. I want my Jonas back.

REASONS WHICH I AM NOT A VEGETARIAN OR A VEGAN:

1. I DO NOT WISH TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE DE-EVOLUTION OF MAN.
Look, do you know how, according to the evolution theory, we got from the gorilla to what we are today? Full Protein. What do you get full protein from? Eating meat. How many vegetarians and vegans out there eat protein supplements? Not many, because most people don't do the research beyond, "Wahh, killing animals and eating them is mean!" Even those who do, is it the same? Not really, because meat and fish both have lots of their own exclusive nutrients, and plus, it's man made and man made foods never compare with what nature gives us.

2. I WISH TO HELP THE ANIMALS NOT DIE OUT.
What the fuck, you ask? Okay, look. The entire world goes vegan. No more demand for cows, chickens, pigs, turkeys, and the occasional duck. Now, there is no more need to house these guys, because cows are retarded lumps who do nothing but chew grass, chickens are cute but also stupid, pigs can be kept as household animals but get HUGE, and turkeys ... I hate turkeys, those mean bastards. So, where do they go? TO FREEDOM! Yay! Except ... hey, wait a minute ... FREE SPACE NO LONGER EXISTS FOR THESE ANIMALS! Why? WE BUILT OVER IT!

You'll visit them in zoos, you say? First off, oh yeah, zoos are SO much nicer than farms! Second off, how many of you have bothered as is to go to a farm and visit or volunteer? I bet I'm at most one in eight, though I'd think one in twenty is a little more right on. And who visited that farm more than once? Not many; the animals can be mean, smelly, and not nearly as attractive as children's books make them out to be.

Now, don't get me wrong, I think most of the farms are mean to the animals. The cruelty isn't acceptable, but neither is the idea that these animals aren't tasty or nutritious.

3. PLANTS HAVE NERVOUS SYSTEMS, TOO.
Plants have been proven in slow motion film to move away from scissors cutting them. Some vines you can hold your finger to and they'll instantly wrap around. Plants respond to music, water, sunlight, animals, people. So, plants can move, respond to their surroundings, and I'll go out on a limb here (no pun intended) and guess they can think, too.

So if you'll go vegan for the reasons of being nice to animals, maybe you should just cease to eat entirely. I mean, the garlic you eat is the veal of the vegetable world, because most garlic is harvested in it's early stages. Grapes are left out in the sun dehydrated for weeks to turn into raisins, I'm not sure they like that much. For heaven's sake, we drown cucumbers for the sake of our sandwiches!

I declare a hunger strike for the end of produce cruelty, whose with me!!

[So those who know me well are aware of the fact that I don't eat red meat and may think I'm being hypocritical. But see, I have health reasons for that. There was a mad cow scare a few years back so my family just dropped it from the diet. Then, over time we found that we actually felt healthier. Plus, red meat does have negative effects on one's heart, since it is the first thing a doctor will say to drop when one's at risk of a heart attack. Plus, lamb is a red meat, and I must admit ... lamb and veal are the two things I can't touch out of guilt. It'd be like making me eat an otter.]

I hate that it always seems like going and having a good time with friends Downtown always comes at the price of me going and having a good time with The Boy. I also hate that he gets that pouty voice, and that when I try to tell my friends that I feel bad and should probably just go hang out with him instead they go "oh my God, chicks before dicks okay!" Only, y'know, none of my friends talk like that, but you get the point.

I also hate that I thought I'd be home an hour earlier than I was tonight, and now I'm gonna be up way late doing homework because I'm a fucking lazy procrastinator.

I just had a fight with my mom as to whether or not Don Imus is an asshole who deserved to be fired, so I'm inspired to pitch my two cents at your eyeballs. Yummay.

Are you offended by Don Imus? Well fuck you and shut up because nobody gives a shit what you think anyway. I am so sick of everyone's politically correct bullshit. People need to focus less on the insults being thrown at them and more on the actual fucking problems in the world!

When I go to Lambda, they all wanna bitch about who called them a Faggot and what little kid said something was Gay or Lame instead of saying stupid and I truly don't give a shit. Let's focus more on the important issues, like gay marriage. And this is coming from a woman who has no plans to waste her money on a wedding ceremony ever, and it's still more important to me than how offensive being a bundle of sticks is to you!

Women focus on being called a bitch, slut, whore, easy, loose, when meanwhile abortion is being basically made illegal through the back door, what with there only being two schools that even teach the procedure left in the States! Meanwhile, our teenage girls (yes, this does even happen in a place as "safe" as the US) are at risk of being napped from malls, schools, whatever and sold into prostitution, sometimes even in other countries.

And now this whole "nappy headed ho" comment. My friend sent me a rant today that I'm starting to wish I didn't close the window on, but this man's main gist was that the problems in the black community are internal: the rappers and ghettoians who insist it's all about nigga this and nigga that and becoming a pimp rather than going to school and getting a good education and all that crap. But instead, the extremists that should be working towards working these kinks out, such as Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, are more focused on assholes like Imus. Assholes like Imus who make a joke and suddenly the whole fucking world crumbles in on itself, so that no one has to deflate their own ego and go, "shit son, maybe the problem is ourselves!"

So we focus on these people who aren't really meaning their words, just trying for a laugh cos it's their job, and then we ignore the nut jobs. You know, the guy on MSNBC who says that what we need to do to better humanity is wipe out the entire white race. WITH A STRAIGHT FACE, FOLKS! Which by the way, is more crap. We'll be all better if we wipe out the Whites, or the Blacks, or the Middle Easterners, or the Asians, or the Rednecks, or the Christians, or the Islams, or the hippies. If we just take one thing out of the equation, we'll be all better folks! Generalization is the problem, and God fucking dammit, generalization will be the fucking solution too!

Look, I do think Imus is a dipshit and all that stuff, but one thing we should keep in mind and a good point made by Mr. Fab of Pointless Drivel: this guy does do a SHITLOAD of charity work. He works with autistic kids, and donates money, and does everything he can to help a cause he thinks needs it. And we fire him over three kind of cruel words.

Okay ... I think all the steam has been properly blown out my ears. By the way, this is probably less of me being totally involved in everything that happens in this and more of anger at my mother for being pissed that I had a varying opinion from hers. Anyway, g'nite folks.

Cingular could fall of the face of the Earth right now and my only problem would be that my mom just wasted a hundred dollars on a new phone from them.

People kept telling me "oh, you know, they'll replace the screen it'll be like thirty dollars." Well, I was informed that since the screen was an LCD, it was full phone damage. I'd have to buy a new phone, just like my old one, no discounts, two hundred and eighty dollars.

I started to go down this path, but I said, "fuck that shit." I got a RAZR, which will have only cost sixty once I get the refund in a month or so and will be much less likely to break in three months. Mum asked, "what about insurance?" "That's five dollars a month per phone line, making a replacement phone only fifty, but you can only do this two times a year." "Fuck. You."

Then, I saw the greatest sign in the world: "Special Offer! One Case For Ten Dollars, Two Cases For Twenty Dollars!" Okay people, this isn't a "special offer," this is math. Please, learn the difference!

Okay, well my mum's mom is coming to visit today, and we get to drive her to my aunt's. I can flaunt my bruises, my phone, my holes, it'll be great.

Rosie O Donnell is a fat loud lesbian who speaks her mind, isn't necessarily unintelligent, and seems to only be ignored half the time because there's a blond and pretty but dumb as a rock woman disagreeing with her on every point she makes. Why does everybody HATE her for that?

Meanwhile, Ron Jeremy is a fat, loud, AND UGLY porn star who has movie companies get pretty girls to sleep with him so they can fund their expensive lifestyles and attention starved-tendencies and then he does some shitty C-Grade Celebrity Reality TV Shows so he can fund his expensive masses of eating and attention-starved tendencies. Why do people ADMIRE him for that?

So tell me folks, why is it that Americans generally hate Rosie O Donnell but love Ron Jeremy?

Pain Pill Insomnia: Where you come home at ten PM stumbling like a drunk you're so barely able to stay awake only to sleep choppily and then just plain give up after two and a half hours, waiting until the next wave of passing out comes.

Attention Jitters: Where you become very chattery and bouncy because you performed something for people and didn't get mushy fruits thrown at you in exchange.

Lawyers and Doctors: The folks my parents are going to see before a marriage counselor, much to the confusion of my sister, who wants them just to be happy. One responds, "well, he probably has cancer and a weak liver, and if it kills him we lose everything, so ... trying to save something so doomed can come later." Actually, one's thoughts on the topic aren't that bitter, but I have a better understanding on my parents' logic than her, I suppose.

Okay, enough of that format, it bores me. So I left the house last night to go to Lambda and it was ... off. My friend Kalee and I ended up at the station about a half hour before the other four, and getting Downtown so late threw off my mental clock, and I have no phone clock since I still have the cracked screen, and yeah. Then there was way more shit talking than I like sitting around for, mostly because I don't like shit talking at all, and because I have no chemicals in my system for stress, all to pain, I was a bitch and walking far away from everyone for the entire time of the smack-talk conversation. Actually, I wish I had the sense to do things that way more often. Only the stress from being so pissed made my jaw pain worse, and when we got to the station to get to Lambda I whined like a little girl and nearly sobbed.

You know, I'm starting to realize something: I have a friend of mine who used to be best friends with Jonelle, and then her boyfriend said Jonelle tried to pick up on him and say she was way prettier than her and etc. So now, as a defense for being hurt, she says shit about Jonelle. Also, she thinks that Jonelle talks all this shit about her. But I'm realizing ... Jo doesn't. Her friends do. Jo's sad because she says it didn't happen and that the guy lied, which secretly I'd believe cos I have little faith in guys and their abilities to keep out of their girl's friendships (oddly, the only one I've seen be any good at it is mine, who actually goes out of his way to insist I keep my friendships working, even when they seem a couple breaths away from death).

A couple friends were there though when my friend's mom attacked Jonelle (something I've heard from several people that makes me gasp every time) and it went from "oh, yeah, her, whatever, she seems cool enough" to "you know what, you're a bitch and your mom's a whore." (For the record, that made me go from gasping to yelling at him for saying something so ignorant and obnoxious, that only became minimally understandable when I realized she got involved despite being not really related in the drama).

I don't know, it's just making me sad thinking that maybe this friendship that once worked really well wouldn't have ended if they just talked it out between each other when it first happened instead of letting it get run through the rumor mill a few times.

Back to my night though (yeah, pardon the rant), Lambda itself was actually pretty awesome though. The last Friday of every month is Youth Slam, where people perform karaoke, poems, skits, whatever they wanna do. So I brought a story I wrote for school awhile ago, and it was really well received and this made me happy. So I'm trying to get Kalee [or anybody, really] to agree to do a skit with me next time. I'm very odd in that I have trouble conversing with groups of people, but I have little to no problem with being in front of people and doing whatever. Maybe that's why I like blogging?

Anyway, I'm gonna go play some sort of Tower Defense game until I conk out.

I'm beginning to bore of the implications that high school drop outs will never do anything with their lives ever beyond wash dishes, serve food, and give "smarter" people their change after a nice pricey shopping spree.

My mother is simultaneously a high school drop out and one of the smartest people I've ever met. I don't mean to say that solely because she's my mother, either. Often when we talk she shows me a new view of things. And yes she did wait tables for a long time, but she was also a real estate agent for several years until many things came into play that forced her to leave the business. And now she's back in community college, working for a transfer to Sac State and an art major, with plans of starting a business.

My father was a high school graduate. And although he is a smart man as well, he did also waste many years of his life in drug dealing, womanizing, and lots of the things people did to kill time in the sixties and seventies. Now he's blindly committed to a job that he would have been able to get if he was a homeless druggie with ten kids [hell, this is a good description of one co-worker he actually has] and he's said on a couple occasions how high school was a massive waste of his time.

And despite being a high school graduate myself [and an early one at that], I have to agree. I had it dawn on me recently that a college-bound person doesn't need to spend so much as one day in high school. In the four years it would take to get a diploma, you can go to a community college, get an associates in whatever interests you, and get all the required transfer units needed to go where ever you want. And how much better it would look too; "I'm eighteen in my fourth year of community college and I'm transferring to a university in the fall!" People would be killing each other to hire you. I do factor in the concept of things probably being learned a bit more difficultly, what with skipping an entire four grades, but there are so many tutoring programs, at least at American River, that with a will there's a way.

Also, the concept of a teenager needing to socialize with people their own age is crap. My friends at ARC right now are between the ages of twenty and ... late twenties. People talk to me for a while, get to know me, and then are totally surprised when they are informed of how young I am because I look and interact with people with more maturity than that. At least, so others claim, I think I'm a total immature pervert, rofl.

Anyway, my rant ends there.