Thought One:
This is my 99th post. Wild.

Thought Two:
I need to get back into the blogging groove. I blame school. And Thought Three.

Thought Three:
The Boy sucks. Here we go, a thought I can stick with for awhile. So, he has a lot going on for him right now. He just got his own place, equipped with two tard room mates. Okay, I'll rephrase, one's a tard, the other is just living on his own for the first time and is having to learn how shit works. But the tard is a huge complication. Isn't paying shit, says he'll be paying backrent eventually, is trying to get in the army, is a disrespectful bastard, is most likely going to screw The Boy over. And he has me. And I think he's gone and convinced himself that I'm too good for him.
So right now, we're exactly halfway through a two week break for him to sort his life out and for both of us to think about us. And whether or not he's gonna hold me back in the long term.
This is one of those rare situations where I tell my friends and family what's going on in my life, and they all have the same reaction, my own included. "ROFL, silly Boy."
But I'm just hoping that it's just stress from other things influencing his other thoughts and so he'll come back and be like "Yeah, I was a dumbass," instead of me having to actually convince him he's being a dumbass.
Also, I'm depressed as all hell by not having him around. Made worse by the fact that he's not even one block away and yet I can't go see him as I need to. There is an upside though, and that is...

Thought Four:
I'm dying my hair purple tomorrow in time for the Harry Potter book premiere. The Boy WILL kill me when he finds out, but I'll just be "psh, bitch, that's what you get for leaving me alone for two weeks after making about two hundred jokes about sleeping with your room mate's huge-tittied girlfriend."

Five:
Good news, I no longer need to look for work as I have a job lined up. Bad news, I don't start said job until January, and in the meantime no one will hire me for a multitude of reasons (mostly to the effect of "you minor, you suck, come back when you're not jailbait!").

End on Six:
SUMMER SCHOOL IS DONE FOR ME AS OF TODAY! WOOHOO! And unless I majorly screwed up my final (there's a small chance...) I got through with a B!

I will be back tomorrow. If I'm not, here are all my messengers and you may bother me the moment Thursday ends in California!
AIM: lucious CROCKPOT
Y!M: goddessrabichi@sbcglobal.net
MSN: melonylouise@hotmail.com

If I'm not online at all on any of these, it means something happened to my computer and I am gone with right!

So I keep going, "I should update my blog."

And then I go, "I'll wait until tonight."

And then, I never update. Yes, I am aware of how much I suck.

So, some updates on my life:

- The Boy finally got his own place. I was worried for awhile about who his room mate was going to be, but I'm finding him not to be as bad as I thought. Plus, he's going to the army in a few months, so he's only temporary and the Ginger (who I've always gotten along with pretty well) will take his place. Yaaay!
- My art class is a bit of an awkward venture for me. First off, I'm only at a C+ at most because of a joke I made on my second portfolio (and yes, my own inability to grasp "value," but I didn't lack a grasp of it to the point of a 198/300). Second off, all the people in my class that I talk to are over 35. Third off, I have this odd crush on a girl in my class. Obviously, one of those things I wouldn't act on, but yeah.
- I'm trying to get a job. I just started hunting this week. I think I might already be failing.
- I'm going to be doing Blogathon 2007. Hold out for a post with details of what I'm doing it for and how to sponsor me.

So I've been awarded this not by one person, but two. One, being Whenn of Opinion Minions, and the other being Mr. Fab of Pointless Drivel. Though I guess for the sake of this he's Miss Fab. Whatever.

Quoteth Miss Fab: "She is my only angst-ridden internet skank bisexual friend who is under legal voting age."

Quoteth Whenn: "This intelligent 17 year old from California writes about her personal experiences as an adolescent in a not so innocent world. I must say, I am very surprised at how much times have changed since I was a teen! Melony Louise writes in a witty and intelligent manner, giving full release to her thoughts and feelings. Keep rockin' girl!"

Thanks to the both of you! And now. The rules say to tag five others, but I really only have one person to tag, since I'm not as good of a blog whore as I should be, and that would be...

Katili of KatScratchFever. What, I love her, dammit! She got me addicted to Pokemon (well, I would have done that to myself anyway, but...), Animal Crossing, Twitter, blogging in general, and now she might even get me in on her little Blythe craze. She's a spiffy chick, and plus ... she has one of the cutest voices ever. Really!
----
So I think I need some advice. Though maybe I just need to rant a little. So my ex-girlfriend is in town until the 20th. And Sam is totally awesome and I love hanging around her, especially now more than before, cos she's just grown up a lot in such a short time and yeah. But there's a problem in that we're for the most part not uncomfortable with each other.
Here's what I mean. She hugs me at random. Cuddles on me. Kisses my cheeks. Sits in my lap. Would give family-like pecks on the lips if I let her.

The Boy is a pretty jealous boy. He gets irritated at me playing gay with my straight friends. So my thoughts are, should I feel guilty about how comfortable she is with me (I am) and should I put a stop to it (I do have a limit, as mentioned, but it's a broad one)? The answer to my own question that keeps popping up is, "if she was a he, would you let him act that way?"

But I don't know if that's applicable or what. And I'm kind of afraid to ask The Boy when I see him tomorrow cos I don't want there to be a fight or him to just be ... disappointed? I don't know, it's an odd feeling.

Okay, well, I'm NyQuil'd up, so I'm probably gonna sleep here soon. Gnite!

So I guess the term "Internet Blog Project" might be a little bit more applicable to what I'm doing now.

To explain, I have expanded myself over several sites, and will probably end up on more by the time I'm back in school (June 11th). So this is my site for talking about my life; my Tumblr is for quotes, conversations, and websites; my Vox is for QotDs, Vox Hunts, and discussions of books, movies, shows, and CDs; my finetune is my attempt to both expand my musical taste and share it with others; and my twitter is for all those little updates in between.

Then, I'm hoping to get back to 43things which would be for my eternal quest to improve on myself (or just try a couple kinky sex acts). In other words ... NOW is the time to throw your latest internet trend at me to see if I'm interested! I also feel a little behind because I just jumped on the Technorati boat.

To quote my Tumblr (like Katili did), "[Melony Louise: more determined to be a world-famous internet whore than j00.] "

Okay, so back to life.

I went to the doctor today for my panic attacks (finally). I had a small scare because he asked at random, "does your family have a history of heart disease?" I was like, "oh my God, I'm the start of a history of heart disease in my family, aren't I!?" But then he went back to normal discussion of panic attacks. I'm supposed to get a phone call from The Mind Institution in Downtown Sacramento, and if I don't by Monday, I'm to call them.

And I realized at the doctor that I am far too optimistic. To the point that yes, I realized that there have been problems, but it never clicked how much is happening to me at once. Coming up in less than six months is my 18th birthday. Here in a couple weeks I go to summer school. My dad's coping with alcoholism. My mom fights with him a lot for it. The Boy has heart problems, and depression related to it. And I'm sure that if you didn't see my rant about Stacy, you will soon.

It's uncharacteristic of me, almost. I can think back to previous points in my life where, when things got just a little rough, I was ready to freak and bitch and moan. But you know what it is? I've always had a good, tight knit, happy family, even with the problems. But now I have friends [and a boy] that make me feel the same way. Where it used to bother me that I didn't have many people in my life, it doesn't any more, because the relationships are of quality so I don't need the quantity.

This is all nice, until you realize that it's allowing me to not deal with problems and let them manifest into ... attacks. It's very strange, how not even being happy makes me truly happy.

Good news.
Mac took my computer to be shipped to get the keyboard and internal frame damage fixed.

Bad news.
I'm stuck on a Windows desktop.

Good news.
They backed up my files for me in case of any sort of accidents.

Bad news.
I forgot to delete any of my porn before leaving the house.

Good news.
My computer will be like new when it comes back.

Bad news.
I will be suffering extreme computer withdrawal (similar to that of breaking a meth addiction) for the next several days, because my mom likes the internet too, dammit.

I guess I'll use this as my chance to play on all the Windows things I have been previously locked out of.

THINGS THAT URK ME ABOUT THE INTERNET:
- MYSPACE PAGES WHERE YOU CAN'T TURN OFF THE MUSIC. Jesus Christ, you bastards! They give you a freaking music player to put on your site where I can turn it off because I don't want to listen to your shitty music! Use it!
- SITES THAT INSIST YOUR PASSWORD ISN'T SECURE ENOUGH. Fuck you, random website! Registering for websites is annoying enough without some automated password checker insisting that my password is not good enough. "Waah, there are no numbers, no case alterations, no words in foreign languages!" Kiss, my, ass.
- HOW ADDICTIVE SITTING AROUND BEING BORED FOR FOUR OR FIVE HOURS IS. I'm not doing a fucking thing, but I can't bring myself to do something better with my time. Guess it's time to pull up the java sand to further rub in how boring I am! Or I was until...
- THE FACT THAT WINDOWS THINKS I'M TOO FUCKING STUPID TO KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR MY COMPUTER! Java!? You're blocking the JAVA PLUG-IN!? And I can't work around it, because "you can't identify the publisher waaah!" KISS. MY. ASS. I want my Jonas back.

The Things Melony Louise Is Currently Doing or Has Been Doing Today Instead of Her Final Project Which Is Due in Less Than 24 Hours:

- Playing Pokemon Pearl: I got stuck in a spot while playing on the bus to school and it bothered me until I pulled the guide up ... and then played some more.

- Playing Milpa: It's a puzzle game involving fruit, what is there not to love?

- Swimming: It was fucking hot out and I got forced to pick up bush clippings.

- Being Angsty: It is common for my dad and I to have some sort of fight, for me to know damn well why we had it, but never have the courage to just spit it out. Instead, I bitch and moan to myself and make whatever I'm doing harder.

- Learning Just How My Family Has Fucked Me Up: In connection to that last thought, I've realized that my parents instilled one flaw: anger issues. Basically, it goes as such ... Mel gets a negative emotion, Mel reacts to it with anger, parent reacts to anger with anger, Mel reacts with ... inverted anger, since outward anger and coming back to fix the problem tend to not solve the issue of said parent's reactive anger. I thought until last night this was for the most part normal. Then I tried to pull that on The Boy and he just calmly and nicely said "Mel ... shut the fuck up." Well, much nicer than that, but you get the point. I instantly calmed down, and it worked so much better. So ... yeah ... next thought:

- Feeling Bad For The Boy: Who injured himself at work today when he fell off something (it involved sand palettes and pipes, but it sounded like three hundred people were at his house so he was hard to hear) and landed with all his weight on his shin onto a blade. What use was the blade, and why was it there? No one knows! (And what's even cooler, is when you put in wheat bread, you get pumpernickel, and when you put in pumpernickel, you get a blueberry muffin!)

- Randomly Referencing To Foamy: Just now.

- Writing in my Blog: But everyone knows a blog comes before a sturdy college education anyway.

- Joining Fafarazzi.com: ...I don't even pay attention to paparazzi, what the fuck is my excuse for this one!? Oh yeah, the Scarlett Johanssen ads all over the site. Mrow.


Okay, so tomorrow, I have two finals in the morning. Then, I go home, which will actually be me going to the coffee shop thinking, "I need to go somewhere where my writing energy tends to be focused, and where I can hide my DS from myself." Then, The Boy is supposed to appear for an hour before I go to my last final (of the day and of the semester) at 8:00. Tomorrow is gonna suck. Ugh.

So just a few hours ago, I did my co-host stint at Pointless Drivel Live! For those who weren't cool enough to hear it live, you can check out the archive here.

It started off a little rocky ... I had my nerves about it, and then my phone kind of went boom as I was trying to connect. But once it worked out, it was a good time indeed! And as I said, I'd love to do it again. As a matter of fact, I am seriously considering Mr. Fab's advice of using that site to run my own podcast idea thing.

Aside from that, it was Mother's Day, so I mostly cleaned and then after the show went off to the Boy's, where we watched ... Special Edition Lord of the Rings The Two Towers. Him and I are just sitting there for half the movie going, "OH MY GOD, ISN'T THIS DONE YET!?"

I got home a little before midnight.

So tomorrow is the day before finals. All about cram, cram, cramming. Only I can't cram. I have to write and memorize and memorize and write. All day. Urgh. Pain. So I'm gonna get some rest so that I can get to my 10:30 practice meet thing alive. Maybe.

It's pretty bad when you're playing in a modern day roleplay and you realize you're just playing yourself. No, seriously, my character name was "Mel" last night. The only unrealistic part was that I was a body guard. Sigh.

I got Pokemon Pearl this morning. I'm hooked, but I'm a little miffed cos I picked the flaming monkey, which basically means, I accidentally picked the hard difficulty level. Bastards!

So, final nag before I actually do this, I'm gonna be on Pointless Drivel Live! Tomorrow, meaning Sunday, at 7pm Eastern Standard Time! Mr. Fab and I are gonna brush each other's hair, eat popcorn in pajamas, and discuss make-up and boys! It's gonna be lyk totalli awsum omg!

In other news, The Boy got a PS2 of his own this morning, and I fear I will never see him naked again:
"Come on babe, we don't even have to do foreplay, I've already done it for you! Just come to bed, please!"
"Not right now honey, I'm about to kill the hookers I just banged!"
"*grumble*"

Ahh, public forms of teasing, it's a beautiful thing. Then again, I did just get Pearl like I said, so maybe I have no room to talk...

Okay, sleep time. Tomorrow's Mother's Day, and I get to spend it cleaning before I do PDL.

How does yours truly deal with the sudden arrival of anxiety attacks? Oh, it's quite easy. I put off all my schoolwork to the last minute, even the stuff that's late, and then I panic about how none of it is done and try to get it done even though I'm so tired and freaked out my mind is a dry well. Yes, it's as fun as it sounds.

That audition I was going to do got canceled. Didn't know until I got there either, which was real annoying. Hey, let's drive a half hour in the real hot weather, get there, find it's been canceled, and drive home! Doesn't that sound exciting!?

Me + Mr. Fab = Pointless Drivel Live on May 13th at Seven Pacific Standard Time! You should listen! Live, even! And interact! Because you're awesome like that! The exclamation points draw you in and you know it!

Okay, back to my overly put off homework. Fuck.

I'm learning that it's hard to keep up with updating this blog without just doing vague one-liner entries. Not to say that my life is boring or anything ... just that it's solely entertaining to me.

Today, I was made to watch Star Wars: The Phantom Menace by The Boy. Followed by ... a pop quiz about Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. Yeah, he's a loser, but it makes him lovable.

Always weirds me out a little when I find out that people I have classes with at ARC live in Rancho Cordova. Mostly cos the general reaction of people who find out I live in Rancho is:

"Oh ... Rancho ... Interesting ... [People there go to college? Huh.]"

Rancho. Is Not. A Ghetto. There is like a block of ghetto, and even then, it's not like I'm afraid to step foot in it ever. I mean, I prefer not to, but it's not like there's some "I'll die if I do" mentality to it. It's more like a "my father has convinced me that I'll be sold into prostitution if I do" mentality.

Finally, May 13th. 7est. Pointless Drivel Live and MLIBP combine for one hour of radness! Listen, for the sake of your Grandchildren!

Oddly, I nearly forgot about one of the biggest things for me as of late (probably because I'm not really talking about it that much in real life): I need information on anxiety attacks and/or disorders revolving around them. Within the last week I've had seven at complete random, three being in one day. The attacks are very weird, almost like dejavue meets a hard punch to the chest. My best guess is that they're panic attacks, but if they sound like something else, please do provide me with information.

So here's a question for the bloggers out there in the interweb...

I've been toying with the idea of opening a forum for bloggers and maybe even blog readers. Nothing all that fancy actually, just a proboards or something like that. And the purpose of it would be, well obviously to make friends with fellow bloggers, but also there'd be a section of the board for pen pal projects. Things like mix tape swaps and red robin notebooks and such craziness. I don't know, I've been in the mood for something like that for ages now ... since I joined a Pen Pal guild on Gaia during my obsessive times with it and found out that nobody was all that interested in becoming my friend. Insert me taking my RAZR to my wrists here.

Back to point, if myself or someone else (no, fuck others, just me, haha) were to open something like that, one would you join, two would you be active, three would you actually participate in the pen pal stuff? Please take thirty seconds and give an honest response :D

EDIT EDIT: Non-members of blogger can comment now. I was wondering why this post was being ignored ...

EDIT: Also, I think someone should assassinate Fred Phelps for being a fucking dickhead.