So I've been contemplating making a blog that tracks my school progress for next semester. Sort of a place where I can put what I've learned, important notes, due dates, and try to get other people to talk to me about it so it all potentially sticks better, and probably also talk about the extra-curricular stuff I'll be doing. Plus I find that thus far I've been less dependent on my note taking and studying skills and more so on my abnormal memory which sure, hasn't yet gotten me less than a B, but also tends to just remember random ass factoids instead of the important stuff in the long run.

My point I guess is that I'll be most likely doing this anyway for my own sake, but my question is would anyone else find it to be an interesting read or what-have-you? I'm taking Group Discussion, Adobe Photoshop, and The Human Lifespan, and then in the way of for-fun things I'm considering Improv Club, Gay Straight Alliance, and auditioning for one of their plays.

In an unrelated note, I really hate hearing good things about Hairspray. There's just something really wrong about remaking a John Waters film with Zac Efron and John Travolta in drag. In my mind, it'd be like remaking The Birds with Paris Hilton, or Gone With The Wind with Justin Timberlake. Meaning, it's a freaking classic (although that may be an exaggeration when speaking of the original Hairspray) so 1) why remake it and 2) why use such actors!?

You know, I could just use some fucking good news right now.

I mean, the amount of bad that's been going on with me and my friends and family is fucking ridiculous, and I can't stop worrying about it all and I'm gonna make myself fucking sick.

This isn't fucking small shit I can talk about here in a public domain, either. This is like, stuff that could split families, get people in serious trouble, and just plain shit I don't want to fucking hear about right now.

Maybe I just need school to start again. My next semester does look promising.

Thought One:
This is my 99th post. Wild.

Thought Two:
I need to get back into the blogging groove. I blame school. And Thought Three.

Thought Three:
The Boy sucks. Here we go, a thought I can stick with for awhile. So, he has a lot going on for him right now. He just got his own place, equipped with two tard room mates. Okay, I'll rephrase, one's a tard, the other is just living on his own for the first time and is having to learn how shit works. But the tard is a huge complication. Isn't paying shit, says he'll be paying backrent eventually, is trying to get in the army, is a disrespectful bastard, is most likely going to screw The Boy over. And he has me. And I think he's gone and convinced himself that I'm too good for him.
So right now, we're exactly halfway through a two week break for him to sort his life out and for both of us to think about us. And whether or not he's gonna hold me back in the long term.
This is one of those rare situations where I tell my friends and family what's going on in my life, and they all have the same reaction, my own included. "ROFL, silly Boy."
But I'm just hoping that it's just stress from other things influencing his other thoughts and so he'll come back and be like "Yeah, I was a dumbass," instead of me having to actually convince him he's being a dumbass.
Also, I'm depressed as all hell by not having him around. Made worse by the fact that he's not even one block away and yet I can't go see him as I need to. There is an upside though, and that is...

Thought Four:
I'm dying my hair purple tomorrow in time for the Harry Potter book premiere. The Boy WILL kill me when he finds out, but I'll just be "psh, bitch, that's what you get for leaving me alone for two weeks after making about two hundred jokes about sleeping with your room mate's huge-tittied girlfriend."

Five:
Good news, I no longer need to look for work as I have a job lined up. Bad news, I don't start said job until January, and in the meantime no one will hire me for a multitude of reasons (mostly to the effect of "you minor, you suck, come back when you're not jailbait!").

End on Six:
SUMMER SCHOOL IS DONE FOR ME AS OF TODAY! WOOHOO! And unless I majorly screwed up my final (there's a small chance...) I got through with a B!

I will be back tomorrow. If I'm not, here are all my messengers and you may bother me the moment Thursday ends in California!
AIM: lucious CROCKPOT
Y!M: goddessrabichi@sbcglobal.net
MSN: melonylouise@hotmail.com

If I'm not online at all on any of these, it means something happened to my computer and I am gone with right!

So I keep going, "I should update my blog."

And then I go, "I'll wait until tonight."

And then, I never update. Yes, I am aware of how much I suck.

So, some updates on my life:

- The Boy finally got his own place. I was worried for awhile about who his room mate was going to be, but I'm finding him not to be as bad as I thought. Plus, he's going to the army in a few months, so he's only temporary and the Ginger (who I've always gotten along with pretty well) will take his place. Yaaay!
- My art class is a bit of an awkward venture for me. First off, I'm only at a C+ at most because of a joke I made on my second portfolio (and yes, my own inability to grasp "value," but I didn't lack a grasp of it to the point of a 198/300). Second off, all the people in my class that I talk to are over 35. Third off, I have this odd crush on a girl in my class. Obviously, one of those things I wouldn't act on, but yeah.
- I'm trying to get a job. I just started hunting this week. I think I might already be failing.
- I'm going to be doing Blogathon 2007. Hold out for a post with details of what I'm doing it for and how to sponsor me.

Today was off.

I had at least one full panic attack in the middle of my class. And many half ass "hey, you're getting close" moments. I was behind on sleep for at least the first half of my day. The second half, post-nap, wasn't too bad until I tried to see The Boy.

I have no clue if I've mentioned here, but he has to move. The family he's staying with is moving, and they can't take him. Not that he could go anyway, because of work. But it's been stressful for him. He's too short on the money, his current room mate (a complete partier with terrible priorities and no concept of clean) has invited himself to come along and not pay a down payment, his soon-to-be room mate (I love David. David > Dumbass) is having trouble finding work, and now something else happened today and he was so stressed he seemed to barely get through a conversation with me, let alone really want to see me. My ego's a tad bruised.

Is it stupid? Yes. Am I still hurt anyway? Yeah.

And then Stacy is coming back tomorrow, and everyone's miserable here because of it.

Okay, dinner. Sorry that you guys finally get an update and I'm being emo.

Things that made tonight awkward.

Six of us at a table at TGIFriday's. First one's leaving for Oregon in the morning, the next one had a big fat crush on me about a year ago, next is his girlfriend and The Boy's exgirlfriend with her adorable few month old baby (who for Chrissake isn't The Boy's!), then me, then the black guy whose nice enough but his very presence is resulting in some of the shittiest service I ever had, then a deaf girl I have no way of communicating with.

I rarely have issues with jealousy, but when I do, I can't control what I'm thinking. Mixed with bad microwaved food, I barely ate. I got a fifteen dollar bill tonight for shitty food, shitty service, and Ryan's salad. Assholes.

And homework is on my mind a lot. It's painful.

Today could have in fact been a thousand times worse. I could have forgotten my lines, I could have had nothing to hand in for that final project, that sort of thing.

I think tomorrow I may do one of two things: make a list of things to get done before June 11th, when I go back to school for the summer, and maybe even get some of it started. Get a swimsuit, start up the radio show, work on some projects in the way of writing, get information on becoming a (paid!) tutor, find my book; this is just stuff I can name off the top of my head.

Or ... I'll be lazy and enjoy the feelings of having no responsibility for a day. I hope I do the first instead. It'll help me get back into my former good habit of scheduling my day.

I'll make a more decent post tomorrow night ... I just wanted to let people know I survived.

The Things Melony Louise Is Currently Doing or Has Been Doing Today Instead of Her Final Project Which Is Due in Less Than 24 Hours:

- Playing Pokemon Pearl: I got stuck in a spot while playing on the bus to school and it bothered me until I pulled the guide up ... and then played some more.

- Playing Milpa: It's a puzzle game involving fruit, what is there not to love?

- Swimming: It was fucking hot out and I got forced to pick up bush clippings.

- Being Angsty: It is common for my dad and I to have some sort of fight, for me to know damn well why we had it, but never have the courage to just spit it out. Instead, I bitch and moan to myself and make whatever I'm doing harder.

- Learning Just How My Family Has Fucked Me Up: In connection to that last thought, I've realized that my parents instilled one flaw: anger issues. Basically, it goes as such ... Mel gets a negative emotion, Mel reacts to it with anger, parent reacts to anger with anger, Mel reacts with ... inverted anger, since outward anger and coming back to fix the problem tend to not solve the issue of said parent's reactive anger. I thought until last night this was for the most part normal. Then I tried to pull that on The Boy and he just calmly and nicely said "Mel ... shut the fuck up." Well, much nicer than that, but you get the point. I instantly calmed down, and it worked so much better. So ... yeah ... next thought:

- Feeling Bad For The Boy: Who injured himself at work today when he fell off something (it involved sand palettes and pipes, but it sounded like three hundred people were at his house so he was hard to hear) and landed with all his weight on his shin onto a blade. What use was the blade, and why was it there? No one knows! (And what's even cooler, is when you put in wheat bread, you get pumpernickel, and when you put in pumpernickel, you get a blueberry muffin!)

- Randomly Referencing To Foamy: Just now.

- Writing in my Blog: But everyone knows a blog comes before a sturdy college education anyway.

- Joining Fafarazzi.com: ...I don't even pay attention to paparazzi, what the fuck is my excuse for this one!? Oh yeah, the Scarlett Johanssen ads all over the site. Mrow.


Okay, so tomorrow, I have two finals in the morning. Then, I go home, which will actually be me going to the coffee shop thinking, "I need to go somewhere where my writing energy tends to be focused, and where I can hide my DS from myself." Then, The Boy is supposed to appear for an hour before I go to my last final (of the day and of the semester) at 8:00. Tomorrow is gonna suck. Ugh.

So just a few hours ago, I did my co-host stint at Pointless Drivel Live! For those who weren't cool enough to hear it live, you can check out the archive here.

It started off a little rocky ... I had my nerves about it, and then my phone kind of went boom as I was trying to connect. But once it worked out, it was a good time indeed! And as I said, I'd love to do it again. As a matter of fact, I am seriously considering Mr. Fab's advice of using that site to run my own podcast idea thing.

Aside from that, it was Mother's Day, so I mostly cleaned and then after the show went off to the Boy's, where we watched ... Special Edition Lord of the Rings The Two Towers. Him and I are just sitting there for half the movie going, "OH MY GOD, ISN'T THIS DONE YET!?"

I got home a little before midnight.

So tomorrow is the day before finals. All about cram, cram, cramming. Only I can't cram. I have to write and memorize and memorize and write. All day. Urgh. Pain. So I'm gonna get some rest so that I can get to my 10:30 practice meet thing alive. Maybe.

To start, it is so damn hot I'm wearing a bra and jeans. The idea of a shirt is that ridiculous.

Second off, Spiderman 3 rocks, except for the last twenty minutes and the corny aspects. I don't want to give anything away, so I'll leave it at that, but if you want to start a conversation on it with me ... we'll see what we can do.

Okay, now onto today. Today was my last day of school (minus my finals on Tuesday) and it was the coolest last day for one reason. (Note: the following quote is not of my actual beliefs and will be explained after it, so don't start to read it and go OHMAHGAWD WHAT AN ASS and run off.)

"REPENT:
Hypocritical Christians, Hebrews, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses, and all other false religions.
Sodomites, pornographers. pedophiles, fornicators, cross-dressers, lesbians, adulterers, transvestites, and all other weirdo sex perverts.
Scoffers, the prideful, athiests, agnostics, idolators, and all other clueless fools.
Murderers/babykillers, liars, thieves, corrupt politicians, and covetous moneygrubbers.
Boozers, dopers, revelers, mouthy women, girlie-men, & all sin loving heathen.
OR PERISH!"

Now, at first, I watched this crazy fundamentalist's first sign go up, and heard vague talk of campus police, and I realized that I did not agree with anything this man was saying or going to say, but that I wanted to defend as hard as I could his right to say it, even though I know he wouldn't do the same for me. It was odd for me because, even though I say I'd do such a thing often, I never feel like I truly would.

Then, as he had conversations with my friends (who he set up near, saying "I'm at the right spot with you folks around". Yeah, he's a dick.) and people began to come up and read his signs, three kids came up with signs. "Fight Ignorance," "This is stupid," "Crack is whack." Then the man began to preach. Then came "Free compliments". Then came the crowd. Then the photography major. Then the Ghandi quotes and the Embrace Diversity signs. By now there must be eight people with signs at least. Then the guy who walks on through singing "Highway to Hell". "Homophobes are just upset because they can't get laid." "If he's here, who's running hell?" All to the sound of him preaching contradictions, people arguing with him for something to do, a cumbaya version of "Why Can't We Be Friends?" By the time I appeared with "Free Hugs From a Mouthy Woman," (he kept asking for a free hug sign) he only planned to stay five more minutes (he was already there about an hour at least at this point) and there was even more people with signs. The whole vibe was so cool, I'm not sure I can even explain to someone who wasn't there. I mean, to see the quad full (when usually no more than twelve people are chilling in it at one time) was wild.

Most of all, it made me think in some sort of deep way, which was nice because I starting to feel like my brain was drying up.

(I wish I knew how my phone worked in the way of picture upload so I could share the [albeit shitty] visuals)

Woke up this morning at 7:30 am (after at most five or six hours of sleep) pissing glass. Chugged water, pills, and cranberry juice until it stopped being feelable. Went to sleep at 11. Woke up at FIVE FOURTY FIVE.

Found information on that seminar thing before I left for it. Wouldn't qualify, credit and financial-wise, but I'm gonna go to UC Davis with my sister on Friday and check out some of their other study abroad programs, maybe go in Fall '08, maybe go to Germany like in my original plan for that sort of thing. So I stayed home.

Gonna go to SpiderMan 3 in a bit; well, an hour at the earliest. Wanted to take The Boy along, but he insisted on not being home when I called. Bastard. Well, maybe he'll call within the next hour or so and still have a chance. In the meantime, I'm finally starting on my damn Creative Writing final project of DOOM. And somehow, I'm tired again.

I'm really looking forward to the month I'm gonna have between the end of this semester and the start of summer semester. I really need to feel as responsibility-free as possible for awhile.

So Thursday, I get to go to my school at SEVEN AM for a final that will take fifteen minutes. You have no clue how unhappy I am about this. It's a fucking physical education final, too! All this work for one, maybe two if the typo is suddenly factual, units! Agggh!

But tomorrow, I'm gonna go to a seminar about their Spring '08 study abroad program. They're sending people to Paris for art, I do believe. I'll know more after tomorrow, cos I just saw STUDY IN PARIS on the flyer, didn't need much more to hook me, haha.

See, I really do want to study abroad and have that traveling experience, because I feel my life is very broke of travel. I mean sure, I've been to a couple hundred places in California, and then I do take the occasional trip to Nevada, and there was that trip to Chicago a couple years back, but that's IT. And my sister's going to Spain in the fall. SPAIN. So I just feel inspired to check out my own chances to do that sort of thing.

But simultaneously, I am in a relationship. And I do fret at the idea of "what if I by choice kill a really good relationship just to go to another country?" Plus, even if the relationship is strong enough ... I'm sorry, but shit happens when you're far from home and weird stuff happens with people in general, so one never knows how life could end up.

[Plus, I hate to be superstitious ... but in palmistry I have a travel line with two lines through it! That means my travels will result in bad things!]

So, thanks to my Creative Writing final, I get to spend the next week writing and rewriting. Rewrite my one story, write another story, rewrite that one, rewrite my poetry reading paper, write my letter about why I chose those stories or stories at all over poetry, rewrite the letter. I also have lines to memorize.

[Btw, I'M ON POINTLESS DRIVEL LIVE ON SUNDAY]

Which reminds me, the audition didn't happen because "they" took back the rights. Cos there might be a touring production in the works. Bastards!!

How does yours truly deal with the sudden arrival of anxiety attacks? Oh, it's quite easy. I put off all my schoolwork to the last minute, even the stuff that's late, and then I panic about how none of it is done and try to get it done even though I'm so tired and freaked out my mind is a dry well. Yes, it's as fun as it sounds.

That audition I was going to do got canceled. Didn't know until I got there either, which was real annoying. Hey, let's drive a half hour in the real hot weather, get there, find it's been canceled, and drive home! Doesn't that sound exciting!?

Me + Mr. Fab = Pointless Drivel Live on May 13th at Seven Pacific Standard Time! You should listen! Live, even! And interact! Because you're awesome like that! The exclamation points draw you in and you know it!

Okay, back to my overly put off homework. Fuck.

I'm learning that it's hard to keep up with updating this blog without just doing vague one-liner entries. Not to say that my life is boring or anything ... just that it's solely entertaining to me.

Today, I was made to watch Star Wars: The Phantom Menace by The Boy. Followed by ... a pop quiz about Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. Yeah, he's a loser, but it makes him lovable.

Always weirds me out a little when I find out that people I have classes with at ARC live in Rancho Cordova. Mostly cos the general reaction of people who find out I live in Rancho is:

"Oh ... Rancho ... Interesting ... [People there go to college? Huh.]"

Rancho. Is Not. A Ghetto. There is like a block of ghetto, and even then, it's not like I'm afraid to step foot in it ever. I mean, I prefer not to, but it's not like there's some "I'll die if I do" mentality to it. It's more like a "my father has convinced me that I'll be sold into prostitution if I do" mentality.

Finally, May 13th. 7est. Pointless Drivel Live and MLIBP combine for one hour of radness! Listen, for the sake of your Grandchildren!

Oddly, I nearly forgot about one of the biggest things for me as of late (probably because I'm not really talking about it that much in real life): I need information on anxiety attacks and/or disorders revolving around them. Within the last week I've had seven at complete random, three being in one day. The attacks are very weird, almost like dejavue meets a hard punch to the chest. My best guess is that they're panic attacks, but if they sound like something else, please do provide me with information.

Life is boring. Well, in the sense that I don't really have anything to blog about right now other than I'm addicted to 43things, I'm addicted to twitter, and I may already have my classes picked out for fall semester.

Swimming; Magic, Witchcraft, and Religion; Elementary German; Fiction Writing Workshop; and Debate and Argumentation. Sounds cool, right? :D

As for my plans for summer semester of taking Introduction to Art, there are two completely different summer schedules for it, so I have to probably go to E-Services tomorrow and find out what's going on.

Okay, back to homework and telling you people to stalk me at 43things!

If my amount of posting takes a nosedive folks, I apologize. I'm gonna fight to not abandon this blog, but my life is gonna be 90% school for the next month to month and a half. The remaining ten percent? Eating, sleeping, and sex. Or something like that.

Isn't it weird when you find out you have previous connections to a friend? Example, I've made friends with this girl Christine through my drama class. Through talking, we've learned we're both Bruce Campbell nerds, and that we both went to the same showing of Man With The Screaming Brain. What's even weirder, is I remember her being there because she asked a question and once she said what she asked I was like, "Oh my God, I remember you!"

Also, everyone else has met Bruce Campbell but me and it makes me sad. I pout at my uncoolness.

I have to jump on a bus in an hour and a half to go to school on my day off, and it's raining cats and dogs out. Don't it figure?

I have to meet up with a classmate for a project in a class which I despise the teacher for being a fucking bitch. Classmate's awesome though. Then I have to try to register for summer semester. Gonna take an art class. Then then, I have to run over to the English department and hand in a favor note because I forgot to download some homework off Blackboard while I was lying in bed going "my fucking mouth!" Good thing I made this entry, or else I would have forgotten about the favor entirely, and that would have sucked some royal monkey nut.

I've changed my mind about enjoying having a life again. I wanna go back to bed.

So tomorrow my life starts again, so to speak.

My vacation turned into me lying around in mouth pain, then lying around with a fever, and then just lying around out of plain habit. I. Did. Nothing.

Well actually, today I got some new cute clothes, a new pair of cute shoes, and some cute fruit ... cos I can't eat anything else in this damn house except like burritos, and I can only take so many God damn burritos.

Also, I saw Elizabethtown yesterday, awesome movie for one reason: suicide machine. If you don't get it, go see the movie pronto! If you utterly hate romance movies, just watch the first ten minutes or so! That period of time is all about how Drew's life is falling apart and his horrid failure and it is sickly hysterical. Plus, you get to hear Orlando Bloom's American accent, which is good evidence that the man is queer as a three dollar bill.

I am simultaneously looking forward and not looking forward to tomorrow. On the one hand, woot, I get to have a life again, on the other hand, that life requires me waking up by a certain time in the morning. Blah. Well, at least I have new jeans which are not all holed up to celebrate.

Note to Self: break habit and pack a lunch. Because, y'know, the cafeteria fruit tastes like olives. And that is a bad sign indeed.

I'm beginning to bore of the implications that high school drop outs will never do anything with their lives ever beyond wash dishes, serve food, and give "smarter" people their change after a nice pricey shopping spree.

My mother is simultaneously a high school drop out and one of the smartest people I've ever met. I don't mean to say that solely because she's my mother, either. Often when we talk she shows me a new view of things. And yes she did wait tables for a long time, but she was also a real estate agent for several years until many things came into play that forced her to leave the business. And now she's back in community college, working for a transfer to Sac State and an art major, with plans of starting a business.

My father was a high school graduate. And although he is a smart man as well, he did also waste many years of his life in drug dealing, womanizing, and lots of the things people did to kill time in the sixties and seventies. Now he's blindly committed to a job that he would have been able to get if he was a homeless druggie with ten kids [hell, this is a good description of one co-worker he actually has] and he's said on a couple occasions how high school was a massive waste of his time.

And despite being a high school graduate myself [and an early one at that], I have to agree. I had it dawn on me recently that a college-bound person doesn't need to spend so much as one day in high school. In the four years it would take to get a diploma, you can go to a community college, get an associates in whatever interests you, and get all the required transfer units needed to go where ever you want. And how much better it would look too; "I'm eighteen in my fourth year of community college and I'm transferring to a university in the fall!" People would be killing each other to hire you. I do factor in the concept of things probably being learned a bit more difficultly, what with skipping an entire four grades, but there are so many tutoring programs, at least at American River, that with a will there's a way.

Also, the concept of a teenager needing to socialize with people their own age is crap. My friends at ARC right now are between the ages of twenty and ... late twenties. People talk to me for a while, get to know me, and then are totally surprised when they are informed of how young I am because I look and interact with people with more maturity than that. At least, so others claim, I think I'm a total immature pervert, rofl.

Anyway, my rant ends there.

Yesterday I broke my phone. Don't know how, but it went from fine and perfect to five to seven huge cracks in the screen. I can still make and receive calls, but any other function on the phone is null and void.

I also had my first peer review on a story I wrote. Positive, negative, and constructive feedback, along with indirectly being told that I'm wise and act older than my age. I've also been given the inspiration to write a novel around it, which I'm gonna do after I rewrite a novella I wrote a few years back. It'll probably be awhile, but it's still cool.

This morning I had my wisdom teeth pulled. Between pain, nerves, the attempts to break olllld habits, and just generally icky girlness, I've been crying a lot, much to my mom's confusion. I also think I might have had an abscess under one of them, a theory backed up by the fact that drinking water results in great pain in the spot where that tooth once was.

Novacaine is wearing off and I hate that taste. Also, the teeth were long. The longest was half an inch. And it was in my top row. So, um, yeah, no wonder I've been in pain.

I'm gonna eat, take some more meds, and maybe sleep. Hopefully the Boy will show up tonight, it would make me happy.