Melony Louise's Natural Habitat

Last night through to today was weird. Hell, the last few days have been weird and spacey for me. I'm worried of two things. One, my mono's coming back right when it's supposed to be the one year mark since I had it (which would mean, it's gone from my system). Two, I'm suffering some sort of ESP-like pre-emptive depression.

See, last time I got like this ... fatigued almost, bored in an undescribable way, and feeling like everything goes in one and ear and out the other and that I'm in some way a couple steps behind ... within two weeks to a month, I'd been dumped by my boyfriend, I had dumped my once best friend (the two were related in awkward to describe if you don't know the people way), and I came down with the showing symptoms of mono, bad, fast, and had Super Mom get me out within record times (not really exagerrating: I had it for a week).

Now, The Boy is being very strange, and it's hard to tell if it's just a phase or if I should start talking to get my say in before he decides what's going on with us. His graduation is Wednesday, so he's been thinking a lot about the future. He has heart problems, the kind where doctors tell him he won't live past forty, if he'll be lucky enough to get that far. So to him, "the future" is me. Old, alone, heartbroken, too late to start over, too late to have kids (he's gone within a few months from, "I love kids and want them and will have them," to, "they'll just be born sick, what's the point") etc. A sort of extreme, definitely depressed look on things.

So I already hate to seem him like this, and then he just keeps making comments. The kind where I can't tell if he's trying to make a joke out of what he's thinking about (which would be, breaking up with me to "spare me") or if he's trying to buffer me for what he might do. Hurts. A lot.

I don't know, maybe I'm just being overreactive and paranoid. I hope I'm being overreactive and paranoid.