Melony Louise's Natural Habitat

Mason is a complete moron.

I can't call him the Boy anymore cos he's not.

Here's the reason for our breaking up (and no, he wasn't hiding from me.)

He sucks, he says. Poor, bad health, an asshole. So, I should date around for the next two months, and see if he's really the best I can do.

Mel's say? Who gives a fuck about Mel's say? Mason says, and so it is. Three co-workers said this is an absolutely genius idea, so instead of him talking to Mel about it, he declares it to be!

He wants me to be happy, he says. Long term. I don't get a say on whether it would make me happy or if I even want to think that far (my say on life for just about anything is stick with it until it doesn't make you happy anymore. He could make me happy until his premature death, he could make me happy for ... okay, well, with all this crap he's been pulling, my happy with him is gone, so what the fuck ever.)

The advice I've been given is all over the wall. "If he wants you to date, date." "If your only option is to never see him again, well, it was nice knowing him." And my mom, who I think just may be the voice of reason on this one: "Continue to refuse. Sit on your ass, don't date, continue to tell him he's being stupid, and tell him you're just plain gonna wait for him to come to his senses."

And well, I'm coming to a bit of my own path on this. I see him sometime this week (yes, we're gonna try to be friends, and yes, it's going to blow, I'll come back to that thought in a moment) and I'm going to sit him down and talk about this again. Better explain my side of things now that I've thought about it. And probably lose him plainly, because it will be having to explain what I mean when I say, "I am completely child like in how I think and deal with things." Or maybe I'm just sane. It's just weird to me how all my friends can be seventeen, eighteen, nineteen and go, "I want a family soon or now." Better parents have more life experience, folks! Other children can keep up with your children, you don't have to. I lost my point I think.

Point is, he's always seen us as long term from the beginning. Not the long term of "six months from now," but the long term that I always loathed in my sister and her boyfriends. "When we get married, have kids, blahblah." It's always made me a bit uncomfortable but I love him so I put up with it, laugh about it. But now I think it might be costing me this instead of making it stronger.

So, going back to the couple things I wanted to. Wednesday, he had dinner ready for me at his place. I was waiting around anxiously for him. Thursday, he worked late and went right to bed. Friday, he went to a movie. Lucky of me to catch him yesterday, cos he's going to be fishing all of today.

And why being friends with him after this will suck. Though I've known him for nearly two years now, we were never close. I was always uncomfortable around him because I liked him so much and didn't want to make a complete fool out of myself. While I was with Sam (which would be a month or two before I was with him) I started talking to him cos he would be on myspace all the time, but even those he makes out to be more frequent than they were. Crush-like feelings had seemingly gone away because I was so into having sex with a girl (note that I say I wasn't really so into the girl. Whoops.)

Then, around Christmas, I hung out with Kalee (whose family Mason lived with) to job hunt (yeah, the day after Christmas is not the time to find work, I know that now) and when I went back to their house, Mason invited me to stay for D&D. He was easier to talk to because I wasn't drooling over him, and I guessed that made him notice me.

The next day, we were all but going at it on their living room floor.

So wait Mel, why does this make trying to be his friend uncomfortable?

Because I have a day's experience of being his friend, and seven months experience of being his girlfriend. I've become used to the affection. Even the little things I do I'll have to make go away. And I'm not sure I can do it. Even if he's gonna bitch at me every time about how I need to stop being attached to him so I can do better. Yeah, you're a little too late Dickhead.

Okay, well, now I've rambled on and I don't know if I feel better or not. I guess it's gonna be that way for awhile, isn't it?