Melony Louise's Natural Habitat

So damn, am I a complete failure at this blogging thing or what?

Well, between school, life, drama, sex, and bus rides, I've been feeling guilty about this poor blog. Well, actually, any point between sex and anything this blog is the last thing on my mind, but that's not the point! Point is, my life has been crazier than ever, and yet still so not interesting.

Actually, now that I think about it, that's not true. Just last week, actually, I snapped. Now, I have no clue how many of you know my true nature, but it's basically talk big to my friends about what I'd do to strangers whilst I bend over and take it like a child molesting prison bitch from EVERYBODY. Ultimately, I'm quiet, and I'm not fond of causing trouble.

However, I'm in a group discussion class, and frankly, the group I just finished with blew. Now, my explosion did not happen with this group, but it was wearing me thin in the way of patience. See, most of us were a bit socially awkward, all but two of us were basically right out of high school (or ESL) and so just warming up to these new people, wasn't happening. So naturally, we had no clue anything was wrong. Then, this girl, just gets totally confrontational with almost all of us about how we aren't pulling our weight and this and that and blah blah.

So, we have the wrong reaction ... we blow them off some more. Well, actually, no. In my case, I spent about one day blowing them off, two days out of town, and then one day going "I am so so sorry I'm late with my stuff but I wasn't in town and had no time and agh!" I figured it was okay, because we weren't meeting up for awhile.

We meet up, we're a split group. The two girls insist we were useless, doing nothing, optimistic out of sheer laziness, on and on. So we're to do two papers, because they didn't want their grades to suffer. It made getting damn near the same grade as them absolutely fucking beautiful, but that's not the point at the moment. Point is, I spent the rest of that week hearing about how much of a waste of anything I was, as a student. No, we weren't supposed to take the comments personal, yes I did anyway. Why? Because being a student is what I pride myself on, and I'm a damn good student if you're just willing to pry me from my shell, figure out my usefulness, and not insist that if I agree with you its because I don't want to think of something original, so fuck you!

Okay, this bullshit project is finally over, I can practically smell my worthwhile good grade, and so I get on the bus, head toward home, and stop along the way and get some food. Bus is crowded. I have to stand. Near this fucking loudmouth on the phone Latina. Actually, at the time she didn't bother me. Now one must keep in mind, I want to get off this bus and eating like now. So I'm looking around. And this chick is on her phone hella loud, and is a very very attractive woman, so as I'm trying to look out windows and stuff, we catch glances a couple times. My face was nothing besides monotonous or even a small smile.

As I turn away from her after about the third catch of eyes, I hear:

"talk talk talk and if that fucking white girl looks at me one more time I'm gonna beat the shit out of her but anyway talk talk talk"

My mind battles. The temper that would really enjoy beating the utter hell out of somebody for the first time ever, and even just tempt her ignorant ass into it by just turning around and facing her versus the logic that is really fucking hungry for some Burger King. I'm so in my mind pissed that I miss getting off at the stop with food, and I get a tap on my shoulder.

"There are some seats behind me."

"Oh, why thank you!"

And my temper won. I kept my eyes on that woman the entire two seconds it took me to pass her.

"*bitchy laugh* Some fucking white bitch all up in my grill."

"You know, you have a fucking ego and you need to shut the fuck up."

"Uck, just shut the fuck up."

Now, one problem with me: I can't hold anger. Anger turns to fear turns to depression in a matter of moments. I know how my parents get when they're angry, so thus I know that if I ever let go it won't be much better. Also, logic shouted "DON'T GET ARRESTED" at me, so I ran off the bus at the first chance I had and broke the fuck down. Yeah, curling up in a ball crying on the lawn of a bank? Embarrassing.

Having people congratulate you for being a cunt to a stranger? Beautiful. And oddly, it released all of my school related stress and has made getting myself there and back so much easier on me.

Hey, if you want to call me crazy, I have to remind you, I still have the teen angst thing going on for me. I am hormonally unstable, not crazy. Be politically correct, gorsh!

Okay, so this should be a good start for my plan, to try to get back into blogging with once a week updates. If you find any crazy news stories, or websites, or whatever, send them my way and I'll see if I can work up a post for them.

I'm starting to think I need to find a copy of that book that like tells you what good things to blog about are, haha.