I got broken up with today.

No, not by The Boy. We're fine.

Remember me saying yesterday about my friend Whoreboy? Well, I decided to just say something, cos it'd been 24 hours, and I was still peeved. I tried to be subtle at first, but he persisted in on being a dick, so I just got straight to the point, harsh. He casually blew it off. Basically said he was an asshole for not sucking up his pride and apologizing, but if he can't even do that why does he try to be my friend? And the reaction was basically "I treat you like shit and never apologize because I don't want you around."

Honestly, it didn't ruin my day, but it hurt. The fact that he was hurting my feelings, knew he was hurting my feelings, and didn't give two flying fucks, but was still too much of a pussy to say things between us just weren't that great in the way of a friendship until he was hurting me that bad.

But now I see with hindsight he's been a dick to me that way the whole time. Couldn't break up with me, had to try to get into my best friends pants. Can't remember him ever saying anything to woo me, romantic or just friendly. A couple times he went out of his way to say something mean to me.

I keep wondering though if I'd accept an apology if it were given.

And I have to reach out real quick. Because I came home and just realized that my little drama and angst that was just described to you is nothing compared to the heartache NYC Watchdog over at apileofdogbones.com is going through. I'm a stranger to this man, but when I heard the news my heart broke and I cried like a two year old. I can only imagine how painful this must be for him and those close to him. If I had money, I would totally buy some graphics to support. As I said in comment, words can't express how sorry I am, and my heart goes out to him and his friends & family.

Y'know, there are too many useless people in the world.

Some examples of it in my day today, hm?

My friend Whoreboy. I'd been trying to hang with him and Nessa since Tuesday. Tuesday, he was a dollar short, telling me last minute. Wednesday, his parents said he had to clean the garage. So he said that we'd so hang today. But! Guess which faggot didn't clean his garage like a fucking adult? Whoreboy. I used to blame so much of this shit on his parents being over controlling and, don't get me wrong, they are, but now I see that so much of it is him. Like, I have to do all the fucking work for us to kick it. Really!

Nessa's most recent ex-boy. So some of this is us, but really, by the end, you'll see things my way. Okay, at the beginning of the hatching of this plan, all I knew was "this girl Lettie's trying to cause problems for Nessa," "Ex-Boy is a whiny bitch," and, "Lettie works in the meat department of the grocery store Ex-Boy is a clerk at."

So let's be pests to them back. I have like thirty condoms I have no use for, lets take ten and throw them around, since otherwise their destiny is just a life of condom balloons. We hid wrappers in random places (well, three of them, the rest we poured out of our pockets into a toilet with one more condom) and put the actual condoms in random places (I guess the one idea that was just a little too far was sticking one on top of the tub of gummy worms).

Then, I shoved one more on that prick's car. Cos I've never liked him and now I have a good enough excuse to not like him.

So, some fighting later after (s)Lettie calls us immature (well, we ignored that) and the Ex-Boy cried (there was no shutting Nessa up on that one, because we nicknamed him "Sir Criesalot" for a reason), I learned that Nessa's issues with him is actually that he left pictures of her up weeks after they split so all his friends could say nasty shit about her. Like, "can't turn a ho into a housewife" sort of shit. So, we were being silly, and he's useless and much less of a gentleman than he claims to be, and that's what I'm going to stick to.

I think I had another example but my rant has already lost its momentum...

So Lisa is currently in the living room with Naomi watching the television. I kind of don't have any clue what to talk to her about, so once we end up alone in a room together, it's just awkward silence. I wish I was more comfortable with people.
And today when I got home all this shit happened with Kalee. I'm not sure I should even get into the details because it's teen drama and I'd just go on forever, but I will say that for about a half hour I was so fucking livid that I could see myself in my mind's eye going over there and beating the shit out of her. Was it really that bad? Probably not, and in fact, I'm not sure I wouldn't do the same thing in her place. But the way she managed it was utter bullshit. "Okay, so like, I talk big like I'm gonna kick some ass, but in truth I'm a scared little girl and I need my Daddy to save me."
But I love Lisa, because she kept insisting, "I have the solution, Mel! I'll go kick her ass for you! Come on! She doesn't know me so it'll be perfect!" Only now I have to hope that for the next 48 hours nobody jumps her cos otherwise it'll be my fault. Then again, she has lots of enemies, so who knows.
So tomorrow we're gonna be doing stuff cos Lisa's in town, so that update should be way better.

The downside to dating a chronic joker: April 1st.

First thing he did when he came in the door: "I - I think we should see," ruined by laughter, "other people." To which I responded, "get over here dumb ass."

And all day it was bad April Fools jokes like that. By the way, to the gents who may read or be reading this blog, April Fools jokes? During sex? Not cool.

But stuff was happening today that made me feel like I should be going "um ... April fools? Hahaha...hah?" First off, my friend Sam in Okiehoma got in a car wreck last night. Life-flashed-before-her-eyes sort of car wreck. Air-bag-gone-off-a-second-later-she'd-be-dead sort of car wreck. She woke me to call me and tell me. She's lucky the date didn't register with me cos it would have taken her FOREVER to convince me it actually happened. Fortunately she's not too badly beat up; her left arm's pretty banged and she had some post-trauma ness and maybe even a little whiplash it sounded like, but still pretty fucking freaky.

Then, I don't know if anybody's been reading my uber long "this is everything that's on my mind" posts lately, but I talked about having two friends that just didn't talk and it appeared to be all rumor mill bullshit. Well, they made up at some point over the weekend and they're gonna try to rekindle the friendship. I'm insanely happy for them, but I was still expecting God to pop out of a gopher hole and go "OH MY GOD, JUST KIDDING!"

My bottom holes from my wisdoms ... I can only describe the taste as being "everything I've eaten since I got them pulled ... plus the taste of wounds and stitches." Eventually the pain will be gone though. Eventually.

Oh, and for the first time in awhile I had a nightmare last night. Something about a bus turning into a children's mental ward and then one of the children merging into my body as I screamed in pain and then me waking up trying to push a pillow off me. Maybe I'm over doing the Silent Hill addiction? The boy's convinced I just want children.

Yes, honey ... I want psychotic children who live in the back of a Greyhound, especially one who acts as a human metal detector. All I wanted to do in the dream was ski, too. Bastard subconscious, fucking with my skiing.

Pain Pill Insomnia: Where you come home at ten PM stumbling like a drunk you're so barely able to stay awake only to sleep choppily and then just plain give up after two and a half hours, waiting until the next wave of passing out comes.

Attention Jitters: Where you become very chattery and bouncy because you performed something for people and didn't get mushy fruits thrown at you in exchange.

Lawyers and Doctors: The folks my parents are going to see before a marriage counselor, much to the confusion of my sister, who wants them just to be happy. One responds, "well, he probably has cancer and a weak liver, and if it kills him we lose everything, so ... trying to save something so doomed can come later." Actually, one's thoughts on the topic aren't that bitter, but I have a better understanding on my parents' logic than her, I suppose.

Okay, enough of that format, it bores me. So I left the house last night to go to Lambda and it was ... off. My friend Kalee and I ended up at the station about a half hour before the other four, and getting Downtown so late threw off my mental clock, and I have no phone clock since I still have the cracked screen, and yeah. Then there was way more shit talking than I like sitting around for, mostly because I don't like shit talking at all, and because I have no chemicals in my system for stress, all to pain, I was a bitch and walking far away from everyone for the entire time of the smack-talk conversation. Actually, I wish I had the sense to do things that way more often. Only the stress from being so pissed made my jaw pain worse, and when we got to the station to get to Lambda I whined like a little girl and nearly sobbed.

You know, I'm starting to realize something: I have a friend of mine who used to be best friends with Jonelle, and then her boyfriend said Jonelle tried to pick up on him and say she was way prettier than her and etc. So now, as a defense for being hurt, she says shit about Jonelle. Also, she thinks that Jonelle talks all this shit about her. But I'm realizing ... Jo doesn't. Her friends do. Jo's sad because she says it didn't happen and that the guy lied, which secretly I'd believe cos I have little faith in guys and their abilities to keep out of their girl's friendships (oddly, the only one I've seen be any good at it is mine, who actually goes out of his way to insist I keep my friendships working, even when they seem a couple breaths away from death).

A couple friends were there though when my friend's mom attacked Jonelle (something I've heard from several people that makes me gasp every time) and it went from "oh, yeah, her, whatever, she seems cool enough" to "you know what, you're a bitch and your mom's a whore." (For the record, that made me go from gasping to yelling at him for saying something so ignorant and obnoxious, that only became minimally understandable when I realized she got involved despite being not really related in the drama).

I don't know, it's just making me sad thinking that maybe this friendship that once worked really well wouldn't have ended if they just talked it out between each other when it first happened instead of letting it get run through the rumor mill a few times.

Back to my night though (yeah, pardon the rant), Lambda itself was actually pretty awesome though. The last Friday of every month is Youth Slam, where people perform karaoke, poems, skits, whatever they wanna do. So I brought a story I wrote for school awhile ago, and it was really well received and this made me happy. So I'm trying to get Kalee [or anybody, really] to agree to do a skit with me next time. I'm very odd in that I have trouble conversing with groups of people, but I have little to no problem with being in front of people and doing whatever. Maybe that's why I like blogging?

Anyway, I'm gonna go play some sort of Tower Defense game until I conk out.