I'm in the midst of adjusting to having a life again. It's hard. I go to school five days a week. I'm on transit to get everywhere (school, Nessa's, places with Nessa, etc) it feels like eight days a week. And all this last week or so has been drama out the ass on top of it.

I almost broke up with the Boy and ignored him all week because of it, Nessa and her boy were broken up for like a day (we've become so close that's it's like your drama is my drama and mine is yours), I've been arguing with family and so has she, I've been trying to get photoshop for school only to have Adobe just completely ignore my student discount site request not even a denial ... blah!

I'm starting to understand that feeling of everything is a damn job. A bath I wanted to take to relax my legs (which are definitely starting to feel the physical stress of walking and catching buses to get everywhere) took fucking forty minutes and did nothing because I had to clean someone else's filth out of the tub and then I couldn't get the water to stop being cold, and the damn thing wasn't even relaxing. And then I had to clean for like three hours.

I'm only two weeks in and I already need a day to just not move and not do anything and I can't get it, and I know that when I do get that chance I'll use it to instead go do something insane with Nessa or maybe even The Boy and just injure myself worse.

In better news though, I was actually inspired by schoolwork to write something a bit crazy. Maybe I'll post it tomorrow.

Today I went with Nessa and found my classrooms. In truth, I suppose it was really just an excuse to get out of the house and hang with her, because two out of three I found within a couple minutes, and the last one was only hidden thanks to my still holed up mental map of the campus.

Sometimes, I really think her and I should just NOT go out in public together. It's basically destined that her and I will end up having conversations that are just not appropriate for being out in the politically-correct world. Topics we covered include pregnancy tests which predict homosexuality (and then give an ad for a good abortion clinic when you flip it over), all the things which could go lost in a certain girl we know's vagina, my having sex and crying out, "Nessa just lost the game!", our connected minds ("all I remembered of the number is the first three digits" "funny, all I remembered was the last four"), and all the fat guys on motorcycles who kept making eyes at us.

If you happened to sit on one of our bus trips today, I want to apologize for our insanity. Only, not really.

Today was one of the foulest experiences of my life.

Now I want to start with saying that when it comes to bugs, I'm not that much of a pussy. Um, bee-like creatures, big fuzzy spiders, and swarms of anything disturb me, but it's never like I see a bug and it's like I have a complete mental breakdown. And with The Boy's new place, I've grown my spine with cockroaches, since the place was infested with it when he moved in.

Also, I am by no means a neat freak. Okay, I kind of am, but half the time I'm too lazy to do much about it and it's less about stuff being clean and more about the appearance of their being space, if that makes sense.

So Nessa's mom's boyfriend type person lives exactly downstairs from her. And basically, he pays rent on a place he doesn't stay at. He works a lot, and he spends a lot of time at Nessa's. But we were informed that downstairs in his apartment there was a big old microwave and a carpet cleaner vacuum we could bring up.

Now, I had been there before, and this place is dirty in all the instantly expectable way, things strewn everywhere, trash giving a cramped feeling, left over stuff from the cats and children that no longer live there, and gives off a general dark and miserable feeling. And then the smell hits. Instantly unforgivable. It's not the smell of person, even a dirty person, just straight out ammonia from a horny cat spraying on everything. The kind of strong ammonia that makes the most overdone cologne smell like a slice of heaven.

So we bring the stuff up, and we discover there's a dead cockroach stuck inside the screen of the microwave, like where the timer is. Nessa's mom takes a knife to the front plate of this microwave. Basically, the microwave is made of dead cockroaches. So we lug it back down.

It's heavy, I'm already nervous from an awkward trek down stairs, I just wanna get it down on his dirty kitchen floor and get out. So I trip a bit getting into the kitchen, and I kick this giant bag of Meow Mix on the floor when I do. It moves about an inch and as we're putting it down I turn to see how much food fell out. and out from under it comes cockroaches. Not just one or two, folks. Somewhere between twenty or forty, all in different sizes. Man, it's about five hours later, and I've still got that paranoid itch going on.

I just don't understand someone letting a place get THAT fucking disgusting. And then paying rent on it! I mean, before that moment, I thought foul upkeep was my sister, but my sister would NEVER EVER EVER EVER let that happen, and when she was a wife and I'd go to her house, I never saw one fucking bug that wasn't in the backyard or being fed to her husband's frogs.

Man, I can't even say enough how wrong that was to me. Heh.

An idea of my life.
Melony Louise: So want to hear how socially inept Nessa and I are?
Sam: Sure lol
Melony Louise: I told her I had an idea of making business of cards that said "Hi, you look like you may be an awesome person, here's my: (email, myspace, all messangers)" to hand out to people so I could make friends.
Melony Louise: I said this hoping I'd be mocked.
Melony Louise: Not only does she like the idea, she wants her own set!
Sam: ...
Sam: Dude.
Sam: ....
Sam: Can I have a set too?

So I did nothing today. I had plans to do house work for a little bit of pocket change, but turned into a sobby mess for absolutely no reason, so my mom said to take the day to be emo.

But I really want to thank Nessa for being my friend.

I needed someone yesterday to fill in for me with Blogathon, so I could work out this crap with Mason. She came over and not only did it, but did it for two to three hours longer than either of us expected her to, with little to no complaint.

When I came home, miserable and choking back tears, she accepted that I needed the time to pull myself together before I could say what happened, and when I did tell her the details, she minimally expressed disappointment in him but went on to only talk me up about how much better I could do and what a hot commodity I am. It's the best for me way a friend has ever reacted to my break-up woes, since people I've considered close in the past maintained a "what the fuck ever" stance on the end of my relationships (and my heartbreaks, necessary for the situation or not) except for the one occasion in which an ex brought his girlfriend to my house within a month of our split and nearly got head from her. Then it was a "kick-his-ass-he-hurt-Mel" fest.

Oddly now that I think about it, that's how I met Mason the first time.

This is about Nessa though! And even though I'm not taking her advice on this one, I appreciate her caring enough and seeing me in a good enough light that she could honestly talk me up enough to even consider dating right away (and yes, I did consider it for a good part of last night).

Point is, she's been a really good friend to me in the time I've been "besties" with her, and I think before the last 48 hours I had forgotten that, cos so much has been going on with her and her life that her patience runs a little dry at times. But, to point, thank you so much Nessa for being good to me and in close range when I need you (and putting up with me when I need to be put up with)! <3

I don't even want to get into how retarded last night was, but I guess I will try to briefly summarize.

See Nessa. See Nessa's short temper. See Nessa's short temper shorten because she got hit by a car Monday and so she's in severe pain even after three Vicoden. See Nessa get pissed at ... everything. Fast forward to one in the morning. See Melony screaming at Nessa in the middle of the Barnes and Noble parking lot for being damn near completely unpleaseable for an entire three hours.

See that work until we get to her place and then she decides I somehow spoiled something major for asking something about the sixth book to someone else.

Women, ugh.

Then I woke up and my eyes were swollen. Cats. How I hate those that aren't my own. By now, the swelling's gone down (though it took half the day) but my right eye is leaking something weird and at times sticky. How concerned should I be?

Anyway ... THE END OF HARRY POTTER! THE SURPRISE ENDING! IS! THAT! ... HARRY POTTER IS REALLY LORD VOLDEMORT'S LEFT PINKY!

It's in my future plans, like post Nessa reading the book cos otherwise I won't live to tell the tale, to buy a white tee and write the last sentence of the book on it on the back, and then a list of all the fatalities along with corresponding page number on the front. It will be awesome.

Y'know, there are too many useless people in the world.

Some examples of it in my day today, hm?

My friend Whoreboy. I'd been trying to hang with him and Nessa since Tuesday. Tuesday, he was a dollar short, telling me last minute. Wednesday, his parents said he had to clean the garage. So he said that we'd so hang today. But! Guess which faggot didn't clean his garage like a fucking adult? Whoreboy. I used to blame so much of this shit on his parents being over controlling and, don't get me wrong, they are, but now I see that so much of it is him. Like, I have to do all the fucking work for us to kick it. Really!

Nessa's most recent ex-boy. So some of this is us, but really, by the end, you'll see things my way. Okay, at the beginning of the hatching of this plan, all I knew was "this girl Lettie's trying to cause problems for Nessa," "Ex-Boy is a whiny bitch," and, "Lettie works in the meat department of the grocery store Ex-Boy is a clerk at."

So let's be pests to them back. I have like thirty condoms I have no use for, lets take ten and throw them around, since otherwise their destiny is just a life of condom balloons. We hid wrappers in random places (well, three of them, the rest we poured out of our pockets into a toilet with one more condom) and put the actual condoms in random places (I guess the one idea that was just a little too far was sticking one on top of the tub of gummy worms).

Then, I shoved one more on that prick's car. Cos I've never liked him and now I have a good enough excuse to not like him.

So, some fighting later after (s)Lettie calls us immature (well, we ignored that) and the Ex-Boy cried (there was no shutting Nessa up on that one, because we nicknamed him "Sir Criesalot" for a reason), I learned that Nessa's issues with him is actually that he left pictures of her up weeks after they split so all his friends could say nasty shit about her. Like, "can't turn a ho into a housewife" sort of shit. So, we were being silly, and he's useless and much less of a gentleman than he claims to be, and that's what I'm going to stick to.

I think I had another example but my rant has already lost its momentum...

Yesterday was too much of people being mad at me, mostly family. I don't feel like divulging into that teen angst with details, but basically it was this:

"You're wrong." "You're right, I'm wrong. This is why." "Well, now you're wrong for these reasons too." "Okay, those are things I'm also trying to fix and I feel like you're kicking my attempts in the face." "You're an asshole for not just bending over, shutting up, and taking it like a bitch." "Wtf."

But I got to hang out with Nessa and The Boy. But there was fighting there too. Grr.

Hope that tonight will be better for me!

Today was boring
Home alone with nothing
To do at all, yeah.

I'm sick of haikus.

But seriously. Today, I wrote some of (what I hope will be) my new novel. I watched Pan's Labyrinth. I updated all my blogs. I played Pokemon. I watched TV. I was bored the entire time.

Nessa was supposed to come over? She had to cancel cos she had too much to do.

The Boy was supposed to come over? He hasn't even called tonight. I don't know if he's at work, at home, raped somewhere, anything. What really pisses me off is I can't even call over there and see if they know what's up with him because of the stuff with who he lives with. Frustrating.

So plans changed, so I get to bring you folks a better update.

The graduation was boring. Too many graduates I didn't know, too many people to get a decent seat, and they stuck the graduates in the middle of a fucking FOOTBALL FIELD. It lacked both intimacy and a feeling of, "hey, my grad's kinda famous!"

Then pool. Pool was fun in indescribable without being a bore ways. The entire night had an interesting thing to it (for me anyway) because Nessa has a crush on one of the guys I'm friends with, who has a girlfriend. Part of me feels like a jerk because I'm apathetic, maybe even a little happy, at the idea of them working out, because he and his girl are probably about to break up for reasons they can't control anyway. Part of me's just rolling with that take on it because ... well, he and his girl are probably about to break up for reasons they can't control anyway. Plus, they'd be cute together.

You know. I know there was more to today than this and the guitar stuff. But, I can't remember it to save my life. So, I'm gonna just wait for The Boy to get online now. Gnite!

Quick post so I may inform folks that for the next few days, posts MAY be sporatic.

Tonight I'm going to another graduation, to play pool afterwards, and to play D&D after that even. Sunday I'm driving down to Santa Cruz to pick up my cousin, who'll be in town until Wednesday.

To summarize today: I drove all over, got a guitar, played it for twenty minutes, tried to tune it, broke a string, and then sat around bored until last minute Nessa called saying, "hey chicka I'm not sick anymore so head your ass over to Cordova!"

So now I'm finishing my sammich and doing such.

Last night we got FLAK'D. It's bad manners, folks, to say "Hey, I wanna do it at nine" and then not be around to be rescheduled, let alone when you ACTUALLY wanted to do it. Ugh. So, after a week of things like that, they're getting pushed to behind another band.

Then I went with The Boy and some of his friends (and some of their friends) to play pool. Meaning, I just hung out and laughed at them cos I don't play pool well, haha. I also had a small fuckton of quarters for pinball and racing. Whee.

But being there, was weird. Cos first off, I hate instances in which it's rubbed in, "hey, it's a small town here and now you'll never really be a stranger here for a long time." And I had two of them within a half hour of each other. And they lingered for the whole night. They were also ego bruises cos they didn't come up and say hi to me, or even acknowledge my existence. And it also reminded me of how many friendships I've had not happen (or almost not happen) because of who my best friend used to be.

Basically, I don't hate being my age, but I hate how everybody else my age acts.

And then The Boy ran off with his friends to play Phone Tag/Hide and Seek all over the city. And tried to borrow my phone, rather than seeing if I wanted to go along. When he was supposed to be hanging out with me. Honey, if you're reading, I love you, but you're a dumbass sometimes.

Meh, I'm not mad at him anymore, cos honestly, he was really hopped up on coffee, and if he spent the night I would have ended up punching him in the face, he was that spazzy.

Okay, so I'm trying to get Nessa to start blogging. But she's convinced she'd have nothing to talk about (obviously someone's never looked at my blog ...) so, I think you should go to her blog (rawr :3) and tell her to freaking blog, and what she could blog about, or whatever you think would help her get into it!