So you guys get a real update after I make my radio show premiere:

http://blogtalkradio.com/rocktalkradio

(I know I've been bad on updates lately, it's been a lot of staying up late doing shit.)

Last night we got FLAK'D. It's bad manners, folks, to say "Hey, I wanna do it at nine" and then not be around to be rescheduled, let alone when you ACTUALLY wanted to do it. Ugh. So, after a week of things like that, they're getting pushed to behind another band.

Then I went with The Boy and some of his friends (and some of their friends) to play pool. Meaning, I just hung out and laughed at them cos I don't play pool well, haha. I also had a small fuckton of quarters for pinball and racing. Whee.

But being there, was weird. Cos first off, I hate instances in which it's rubbed in, "hey, it's a small town here and now you'll never really be a stranger here for a long time." And I had two of them within a half hour of each other. And they lingered for the whole night. They were also ego bruises cos they didn't come up and say hi to me, or even acknowledge my existence. And it also reminded me of how many friendships I've had not happen (or almost not happen) because of who my best friend used to be.

Basically, I don't hate being my age, but I hate how everybody else my age acts.

And then The Boy ran off with his friends to play Phone Tag/Hide and Seek all over the city. And tried to borrow my phone, rather than seeing if I wanted to go along. When he was supposed to be hanging out with me. Honey, if you're reading, I love you, but you're a dumbass sometimes.

Meh, I'm not mad at him anymore, cos honestly, he was really hopped up on coffee, and if he spent the night I would have ended up punching him in the face, he was that spazzy.

Okay, so I'm trying to get Nessa to start blogging. But she's convinced she'd have nothing to talk about (obviously someone's never looked at my blog ...) so, I think you should go to her blog (rawr :3) and tell her to freaking blog, and what she could blog about, or whatever you think would help her get into it!

Tonight is the premiere of ROCK TALK RADIO.

For the whole backstage feel, listen in at 1AM EST for the test show, and then at 1:30AM EST for the actual show.

If you're not a night owl, you can always just listen to both when they go to archive on your own time. But you miss the whole interactive experience thing. Please listen.

Tonight was just strange. Hell, today was just strange. Bored, and tired, and blah.

But, I've developed a small obsession with Lily Allen (Oh, little brother, would you refrain from doing that? I'm trying to help you out, so could you stop being a twat?) since last night and yeah, so I've been listening to her like all day. She rocks, and to throw in my two cents, all this bitching about her shit talk ... her father's a freaking comedian! It's her being funny, not a bitch! Geez. You know, rah rah, if she were a man, etc etc.

I'm overly sensitive and it sucks. And I like mystery so I'll leave it at that.

Pray that tomorrow or Saturday will be the premiere of ROCK TALK RADIO. I know, I know, I said Blog Talk Radio before. But ... I'm dyslexic, and that was an accident. I was probably very tired, too, much like I am now. So I think I'm gonna do some blog checks and call it a night.

Well, I'm still having fits about how fucked up Windows and Internet Explorer are. Can't use browser versions of messengers, can't play some games, all my friends are on Firefox so things don't look right to me, etc.

Today went back and forth between being "this is the most boring day of my life" and "oh my God, people are stupid."

Example one: That ABC special they keep playing on Yahoo, about the science of human sexuality. The twin boys, the one with the uber male room and the other with painted nails and the asexual maybe girlie room. The boy with the painted nails will most likely be gay because ... he doesn't live up to gender stereotypes. My eyes are rolling right now. How did they get a bunch of scientists to back up stereotypical ideas?!

Example two: "Pro-choice women are wimps". Enough said.

Example three: The American Idol blog strayed once again from American Idol discussion into politics. God, I hate when that happens.

Example four: "Left-wingers are just the brainwashed of America."

Ugh.

So it looks like the premiere show of Blog Talk Radio will be either this Thursday or Friday. I'll come back with a confirmed date once it's made!

Tonight was a blast. It's a shame The Boy couldn't make it, but then again I think he might have felt out of place.

One thing that's kind of interesting though, was that Nessa and myself got to talking about an old group of friends we had, and how they didn't like us. It still confuses me now why they didn't like us. I didn't know her well then, but I remember her as being sort of insecure and I know that I was practically a basket case with my social awkwardnesses and trying to move past them. But regardless, these few guys hated us and talked shit about us. Well, actually, it was me they trash talked, though they didn't like her much either. The trash talk about Nessa's been a recent thing, and I hate people for doing it because it's ill-informed and basically a "yeah, well ... uh ... YOUR MOM!" defense.

Anyway, back to point. I knew of one guy who just talked shit about me. I figured everyone did it, but I had a friend go "oh, no, it was just that douche, no biggie."

Lies. Lies, lies, lies. They all did. One guy even went so far as to say, "I hate Melony." You know why? Because I hung out with a guy who they framed for the dumb shit they did, and for awhile, even had a weird "agh an ex-boy" crush on him. They freaking paid my once best friend to do naked pictures (and she was 15 at the time too ... beautiful, right?) and in a short term sense ruined her life, but got him to take the brute of all of it because it happened at his house. They let the story change, she let the story change.

Gah, this is stupid. I get to thinking about that time so easy, even though it was so painful and awkward for me.

But it got me thinking about how it pisses me off sometimes that Nessa and I didn't make friends sooner. Because I think we both kind of matured out of that awkwardness and such at similar times, and I don't know about her, but I needed better friends than I had at that point.

Oh well, I have good people around me now, so I guess it worked out.

Oh, and pardon the possibly whiny quality to this post ... I'm tired and it's making me want to reflect on stuff.

Anyway, so tonight we snagged our first guests for the podcast Nessa and I are doing (which means I have to change the title from "Melony Louise's Internet Radio Show" ... whoopsies!) and I'm totally looking forward to this starting up. And I'll have pictures up from tonight tomorrow, so you can see our pretty faces ... and then her boyfriend! (I keed, I keed ... or DO I?!) Okay, I need sleep, night night.

The upside to scheduling my day: I always finish what I have down to do before I said I should have it all done, and it makes me feel like I'm accomplishing a lot.

So I despise UC Davis and need to find a new clinic. I call at like 10:30 to ensure things are confirmed and duh-de-duh. "I'll take a message and have her people call." They call at 2:30 and say, "can you come in at 3:30?" "...No. I have no ride and no co-pay money." "Well, we have no more appointments until June. So, call tomorrow and see about any cancellations, and if you don't want to do that, you can go to an urgent care facility [Med 7]."

First off, who the fuck calls a patient and goes "be here in an hour"? Second off, I left a message on this topic TWO WEEKS AGO, and nobody can fit me in until at least two weeks from now? Third, UC Davis, the best doctors in ... the country, right ... referring me to a Med 7!? When I'm having ANXIETY PROBLEMS!? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!? I'm about to have a breakdown in the middle of the street Cameron Diaz in Very Bad Things style. Well, minus the paralyzed husband, dog, and family friend and the two obnoxious children. And the dirty house. And all that. Yeah.

But aside from wanting to go kill the UC Davis folks, it was a good day where I got stuff done.

Hey, if you happen to have a band, you should leave a comment to let me know you want to be on my radio show.

I'll do what I can to have tomorrow's post be a little less screamy ... if I make a post. I'm going to a concert with a friend, and maybe her boy, and maybe The Boy. So it might be early Saturday of doom more than tomorrow. If I'm conscious enough to make one at all.

Panic attacks are a son-of-a-bitch. I was just thinking to myself the other day, "I think mine are gone. It must have been a week at least since my last one!" But of course, as punishment, one kicked me in my invisible testicles today. So tomorrow, I'm going to call the doctor's office again and make an appointment.

Which leads me into how much I HATE UC Davis. Best doctors in the United States, the worst fucking desk bitches. "Leave a message for Dr. [Radio Edit]. I want information on my recurring bladder infection, or maybe just have it re-looked at or something, and I'm having panic attacks." "Okay, someone who isn't your doctor is going to call you back in five minutes and demand you go to a Med 7 for a urine test, and I think that since you've only been having attacks for a week they aren't that important." Two weeks later, I've learned that bladder infections, the recurring kind, are really not curable by medication ... it's all about using natural things to keep it bearable (cranberry juice, lots of water, and avoiding added sugars) and being hygienic about the things that cause it to flare (in my case, sex). But the panic attacks, I have no idea what the cause is, if there are dietary changes I should make, if maybe I need a shrink type person, just that the feeling of going insane is a NORMAL SIDE EFFECT. What the fuck, right?

You know it's bad when they have to actually put a sign up: "if you've been waiting for twenty five minutes or longer, please let us know [my handwriting in sharpie under it: BECAUSE WE ARE DIPSHITS WHO HAVE NO CLUE WHAT THE FUCK WE'RE DOING. KTHNXBYE.]"

Okay, enough bitching. Tomorrow will be the first day since I started last semester that I'll be sticking to a schedule. It's pretty sad that I have to program myself like an obsessive compulsive robot in order to get shit done, but hey, such is life. I just lost the game.

Also, my mom's been giving me shit since Sunday about the whole Don Imus being fired thing. It's kind of funny but annoying. Funny in that ... I don't really give a shit anymore. Annoying in that ... Jesus Christ, I don't give a shit anymore, woman!

EDIT START
I got the host site for my blogtalkradio show today! Now it's just a matter of getting the chick who wanted to be the first guest to talk to me and commit to a day and time. So, keep one's eyes peeled for when I run around nearly naked going WOOHOO!
EDIT END

On a final note, I have the song from the Loituma Girl flash loop. My friend Elizabeth sent it to me, who I add is Canadian and thinks that my American accent is very cute. It's a shame that bit is all just Finnish gibberish cos I was gonna find the lyrics for that bit, learn it, and sing it on the lightrail for a couple hours while spinning a leek sprig. Ah well

This is actually quite a spectacular idea, if I may say so myself.

http://www.homeonthestrange.com/comics/2007/2007-04-20.png

Also, a podcast update: there is a high chance the first episode will be up tomorrow! There was a communication error and all this time I was being low on the priority list by the needed friend/assistant/slave monkey because she wasn't aware that the ball was already rolling on other guests. So tomorrow should be our day, but if not it'll be very soon. You can't see, but I'm doing a happy dance.

I'm also gonna cut my hair. Possibly very short, maybe just thinned a lot. It gets so knotted so fast between length and thickness that now when I do my once a day hair brushing it comes out in clumps the size of pennies. "Brush more times a day," some of you say. Fuck you, I respond. I don't like keeping constant maintenance on my hair at all, once a day works for me. And I know that when I have my short hair, I don't even really need to do it once a day; the need for brushing cuts down assloads, which makes me happy indeed. I'm not so sure when I'm going to do such a thing but I'm looking forward to it.

So I discovered something really cool today and if I had any talent in that sort of way I'd consider doing it: collage poetry. I don't know if it's a concept larger than Chickollage or what, but it's a really cool little project and for the first time it's poetry I don't want to throw out a window. I'm gonna make a confession though and it is I despise the cafepress products. The whole black square on a purple shirt thing or whatever it is just ... doesn't look right. Something like that would look so much better if it looked like she did the collage to the shirt, get what I mean? But yeah, I think I may be inspired to make a day project out of cutting up some uber old magazines that are lying around, say, everywhere and then gluing myself to things.

Wait, go back a couple steps, why do you dislike poetry if you are about to start up a music-relevant podcast? Words have to appeal to my senses, random voice. In music, I have guitar riffs and passionate voices; in chickollage, I have colors and an appearance I would associate with the subconscious (chaotic and mismatched). In both cases, these do the words justice. In normal poetry, you have a bland poetry reading voice, no tone, on a black and white page, and oddly placed spacing for "effect". It tries to be passionate by lacking passion. It fails and just lacks passion. In my opinion.

What was the other voice saying about a podcast? Oh, that, right. Since December, I've been putting in the works the concept of starting a radio show about the Sacramento music scene, with guests from said scene. Well, it took me awhile but I finally got someone to say they'd come on. So I'm gonna start putting that into motion here super soon! I just have to get a friend to agree to testing some programs and such with me. Knock on wood though, there should be more information later in the month, maybe even a site, ooh ahh!